I'm Not Okay
by Asurahaya020
Summary: Before they left Japan for London, Eriol and Tomoyo made a deal. She was to help him look for Kaho while he would help her with coping up from her unrequited love. But if something goes terribly wrong, who would pay the price? - MAJOR OVERHAUL ONGOING
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is a classic; something like Mickey Mouse and friends, only the characters are purely human beings. If there would be anything to claim, that would be my plot. All else, solely belongs to CLAMP.

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with that leaving Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: This would be the first story that I have released under this anime and pairing. It's not the first in the chaos that is my mind, though. So be easy on me, okay? Leave comments, as that will lead to a whole lot of things. One of which would be my writing skills' further refinement (which I really think that any reader would enjoy). Another would be the progress of this story to the best direction possible- even perhaps, with certain compromises and suggestions taken into consideration.

* * *

Prologue 

It started out rather normally... greeting the awkward guests, serving out the seafood-themed banquet and even the small, unexpected intermissions and last-minute proposals. Syaoran and Sakura's reception was going so smoothly- so perfect.

Small talk in parties, though seemingly unecessary, was actually the very factor for its success. And all around, everyone was crowding around two things. The first was the highlight of the evening- Syaoran and Sakura. They are perfect couple, one had said, reaching out a hand towards the beaming, yet fidgeting couple. The second was the highlight of the crowd's voracious appetite, the buffet table. The whole, white linen-covered stretch had to be attended to every so often, that the whole staff opted to stay and serve. The only exception to this was a certain, extraordinary person present in the party.

Eriol Hiirigazawa had perfectly good reasons to not behave like the crowd. He had finished congratulating the happy couple and besides, he was a good friend to them- or at least, that was how he was categorized by his cute, blushing heiress.

'This would be my farewell party as well...' Eriol mused from far away all the while observing the newly-wedded couple. 'This is just perfect...' He raised his champagne glass as Yamazaki proposed another well-wish toast to the the happy couple.

The drink went smoothly down his throat and the slight warmth it gave in his stomach was contrasting to the feel of cool, fine glass on his lips. The fingerfood he had tasted earlier was nothing less. Eriol knew he was enjoying this party a little too much than he would have allowed himself. But then again, he was leaving. He wanted to leave without regrets. And after being immersed in such divine hospitality by an equally divine host, Eriol decided it would be his greatest regret yet if he was not to enjoy himself at all.

"As expected, any occassion hosted by Tomoyo-chan is picture-perfect... like something out of a fairy tale book or something of that sort..." Chiharu whispered to Rika. "They're best of friends after all, even relatives..." the other girl replied. "The biological clock's ticking and there's nothing we could do! Ah, I wish to get married and have a reception as grand as this! " exclaimed Naoko, appearing so suddenly at their side. "You scared us!" exclaimed the other two. "What's this about the biological clock?" asked Rika out of the blue. "You see, Rika, Mr. Terada..." "W-what about him?!" she answered, blushing furiously.

Eriol allowed himself to completely focus in the chit-chat of three of his classmates, especially in the Tomoyo part. Indeed, that pale-skinned, dark-haired nightingale was etched completely into the magician reincarnate's train of thought. She was a mystery, a puzzle, an unseemingly finished work of art still on progress. An enigma worth pondering on and a definite reason to stay in Japan. Eriol quickly apprehended himself. What was he thinking anyway? The day after this, he would be bound for London, England where his only reason for existence is waiting. Only for him, hopefully. He was about to find out, as his trip would prove.

"Hey! Hey! I just got word here, people!" shouted Yamazaki, still hogging the microphone. "Our beloved hostess and friend, Daidouji, Tomoyo-chan, product endorser of the Daidouji enterprise, has just been voted as the no. 1 most eligible bachelorrette in all of Asia! I propose another toast!"

The room burst into applause and appreciation as glasses tinkled and compliments poured. Eriol drank to the raven-haired girl then began to scope the room for any sign of her.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: So that concludes the first installation. Please leave comments. They would be truly appreciated. 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Yup. CLAMP must be a very happy company... what with all those titles underneath its name. 

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with that. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: Yay! As promised, the second installation is here! A bit longer than the first, but I hope you'll find nothing wrong with that.

* * *

Chapter 1

The Daidouji manor only recently annexed a grand ballroom to its incomparable grandeur. It was meant for this one special occassion and also for Tomoyo's coming of age(1) to inherit the Daidouji property still being juggled by the almighty Sonomi. It has a grand staircase, modeled after the one in Titanic, and a balcony stretch on the second floor overlooking the ballroom floor.

Baroque-style, it was equipped with a stage befitting an orchestra that might as well be playing in the Tokyo Symphony Hall. As Eriol thought this over, he couldn't help but sigh at the Daidouji's impeccable taste.

'The party'll surely end at dawnbreak... Better make sure she's had some rest.' he thought before seeking for the young heiress. Eriol paused to have a quick glimpse of the ballroom to confirm the absence of the solitary Daidouji heiress. After catching no sight of her, he proceeded to walk out to the gardens and, once there, spread out his aura to sense hers. Of course, he cast a cloaking spell to conceal his use of magic- he wouldn't want his cute little descendant and Sakura to be alarmed, especially on such a special evening.

An abnormally weak, forlorn and solitary presence lingered somewhere in the dark corners of the detached chamber where the bar was located. Eriol felt it as Tomoyo's faint, mortal aura.

He entered the junction conspicuously and true enough, drowning in her sorrows and happiness, was Tomoyo. Her hair, neatly plaited earlier that night, was let loose to a tangly mess now covering half her face, her mascara was coming off and her eyes were red with tears still falling from its corners. She was drinking, too.

"Gods!" Eriol exclaimed, closing the door behind him as he immersed himself wholly into the room.

Tomoyo turned to his direction, as she was unable to see clearly through the tears once again swamping her tired eyes; her lids heavy and her eyes blurred, she couldn't make out how he looked. At least her hearing was perfect.  
"Hi-Hiirigazawa-kun?" He ran to her side and sat down beside her as she broke down into racking, heartbreaking sobs.

"She..." Tomoyo began, her voice cracking in mid-sentence.

Though he remained quiet, Eriol prodded her on as he took her quivering, clammy hands in his and looked intently without staggering into her pitifully heartbreaking brilliant eyes.

She breathed in an unsure breath, sobbed a little more, before she began to convey her pains to the wizard she knew very little of, yet considered a dear friend- he took care of her genki cherry blossom, after all. "She..."

"S-she was very, very precious to me... I loved her so... She-she's leaving me, I-I can't catch up!" she cried, grabbing his front and crumpling it in frustration and depression.

Eriol only stroked through her hair, doing nothing else but listen to Tomoyo's litany of torture, sorrows and pain.

"I knew this was coming. Syaoran-kun was the only one who filled that empty space of love... She didn't accept me, my...

"I-I couldn't bring myself to say no! The wedding ended, and-and I just couldn't fight... it was her happiness... with him, with Syaoran-kun, Sakura is happy! So, so happy... I knew it. But-but... I'm suppossed to be happy!"

Tomoyo pounded her fists on Eriol's chest, each hit getting weaker than the one before it. "Her happinness is my happiness." She wheezed a little and breathed in, almost as if she was regaining her composure.

"But..." She exhaled and an even greater force of sorrow came pouring out on her together with a truly sad realization. "Why? W-why am I feeling this pain? Why?"

'Why indeed?' Eriol thought, watching with a new, profound sense of respect for the broken lady in front of him. He was dumbfounded as to what to do to comfort the weeping figure he beheld in his sight.

Eriol found himself speechless for a minute or so- knowing that if he carelessly threw out words of comfort, they would all be a waste and not the least bit genuine. He was sure they would only aggravate the already resonating sorrow in the deep chambers of her devastated heart.

'I never knew it was this much.

Tomoyo continued to cry. However, Eriol knew better. She was trying her best not to. And what he was witnessing was a Tomoyo who was torn between the overwhelming feeling of despair over a love lost and the desperate calls of her mask to hide it all, again.

He knew from observation how Tomoyo loved Sakura more than a friend, and he knew from foresight that she would be in pain.

He just didn't know how much and for how long. He enveloped her with his arms and rocked her back and forth dearly, like a child. As she calmed down, he whispered to her ear comforting words and promises which he hoped had brought her confidence and peace of mind.

Although the promises... he wasn't all too sure if he would realize all of them. He had to remind himself that he was leaving.

Leaving her alone.

* * *

Author's Notes: Definitely longer than the first one, huh? Oh and I'd like to commend the following poeple- they're six, actually, who have clicked the pleading blue button for reviews after they have read the story! But before that, allow me to petition for constructive comments and reviews! Flames are read, criticized and sued! Just kidding. Well, they are read and criticized, not to mention that the sender gets a PM from me demanding rational reasons! (This part is true.)

SanzoGirl: Hope you liked the second installation! I'd like to hear more from you on what you think about the story!

pretty peach: How did you know this is solid ExT? Just kidding. Thanks for the comment!

funky-squirrel: Well I hope the new chapter did justice for the prologue. Not to disappoint I hope, but there is very little action here, save for Tomoyo's pitiful state.

pen196: Here's the update! I hope that you'll leave a review for this chapter as well.

Convoy Butterfly: Your review is the longest by far! Congratulations! Uhm... Eriol's stay in Tomoeda will be cleared up in the proceeding chapters and so will his current relationship with Kaho-sensei. As to Nakuru and Spinel being the most precious for Eriol... well, I can't really say anything about that- I mean, he does show compassion and love for both. However, I would be taking off in an entirely different direction if I were to make them the reason for Eriol's departure. Another thing, I do not really understand your question about him pretending to be a child... please enlighten me as to how you reached that conclusion.

cheng: Wai! The first reviewer! Domo arigato gozaimasu!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the darn!-they're-the-cutest couple. Period. Oh, but I do own the story. 

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with it. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: Good, gracious Lord! A third installment! I can't believe it!

* * *

Chapter 2

Eriol couldn't help but notice that the depressing atmosphere of the bar was still hanging in and about the room. He sideglanced the silent Tomoyo who was currently preoccupied with pinning her tresses gone astray. They have that exquisite luster that shines and shows different intensities of the dark colors that blended to be the color of her hair.

Her true hair color... that is only yet another one of the questions he wanted an answer to, however trivial it may sound. Eriol continued to observe her through the quaint light and for the moment, Tomoyo's hair shone blue-black. He found it be mysterious, deep and gorgeous- like the midnight sky.

'Definitely more gorgeous than Kaho's...' he thought to himself, resting his chin on the cup of his palm. 'But with all the complications this package has...'

Eriol sighed, disappointment evident and rather loudly, too. He closed his eyes. If he hadn't, he would've noticed Tomoyo get distracted and look towards his direction.

o0o..o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo rarely got to see this side of THE Eriol Hiirigazawa- the all-powerful magician, the mysterious, yet handsome classmate, the ever distant friend. His thousand faces never did once reflect this side of him. And she was priveleged to time her distraction with his unawareness.

Eriol Hiirigazawa looked defenseless without the high barriers he put up, even when with his friends. He looked tired and nevertheless, forlorn. Without the colorful comedy his creations create, Eriol seemed untouchable, even.

'More like, unreachable...' Tomoyo corrected herself.

His glasses were askew and reflected the mellow light of the place. It would've been annoying if ever it was pushed up his nose bridge a just little higher.

'Covering those exquisite, mysterious sapphires... But,' and Tomoyo smiled inwardly, 'right now, they're even illuminating his eyes. Nice.'

Tomoyo felt envious- not the raging kind, but rather the creeping, subjective kind of envy rooting from a shortcoming she knew was from her part. She had always wanted to be in the background, and here was a person set even behind that. Eyeing everyone on the stage, looking after those running the show, choreographing those behind the sets... She was the director, while he was the producer backing everything up- even her salary. Tomoyo wanted to laugh with her queer analogy.

But Tomoyo Daidouji, singled-out in the high corporate society as the heiress to the mighty Sonomi, is proper, polite and every inch perfect. Laughing at herself would be ruining all that.

There came a point in her life where she questioned if it was even necessary. Laughing, crying and all that- emotions which make her less of what was thought of her by a society moved by stereotypes and conformists.

'Like the Mona Lisa... peeling off at the edges and revealing the grotesque oak paneling- the truth that it is a false copy of the lost masterpiece.' she had answered to herself before.

And even then, young as she was- for she was merely seven years old when she was thrown into their clawing hands- Tomoyo couldn't find that power people claimed to be exuding from her- that with a mere gesture from her, all noise would die down. That her very presence demanded immediate respect and service. Tomoyo Daidouji found that not in herself but within her mother.

And Sonomi Daidouji was _not_ a happy woman.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The sharp clink of glass meeting glass took Eriol's immediate attention.

He looked to his side and saw that Tomoyo completely forgot about her hair as she had already reached out for the long-necked bottle just across the bar counter.

She downed a shot and had closed her eyes, her long dark lashes sweeping over her pale skin. Tomoyo didn't look the least bit inebriated but she did seem happy... esctatic, even.

"So you're rejoicing now?" he had asked, but it sounded more confirming than questioning.

The Daidouji heiress lazily opened an eye. She didn't look at him however, and Eriol was about to change subject when she began to speak.

"I- I'm so sorry, Hiirigazawa-kun. How could I ever repay you?"

She filled another shot then drank again. She drank more slowly this time and when she was through, she brought her amethyst eyes up to the wizard and eyed him curiously by the rim of the small, unetched glass of the vessel.

'She decided to avoid it herself...'

Eriol pulled out a cigarette, flicked his finger and instantly, the thin object was lit and literally clouding the room with puffs of its smoke.

Tomoyo's sensitive nose wrinkled in the most amusing sense at the hint of the revolting smell.

"And since when did you start smoking?" she asked in a very reprimanding tone, raising a slender brow and leaning forward to her companion as she took it from his hand.

Rather irritated from thinking, Eriol, too, raised his eyebrow and sarcastically replied back, "And since when did you become an alcoholic?"

Tomoyo sighed in defeat, returned the cigarette to its rightful owner and retreated to her seat, looking back longingly to her glass as she fiddled it with her slender fingers.

"Oh... of course. Silly me. I'm meddling with your personal affairs. I'm not being really grateful then..." she said finally, cutting the awkward silence developing between them.

"No. Don't be... it's your concern for your friends that make you the way you are... However, Daidouji-san, I do appreciate that you understand its limits... especially towards me." Eriol quickly said, giving much thought of her gestures.

"As to thanking me, we have to think about that, ne?"

Tomoyo stopped looking blankly to her empty glass and turned to truly face Eriol. She noted the playfulness in his words and found it rather insulting, but nevertheless a challenge.

"What do you have in mind?" Tomoyo said sulkily, every word slipping off her tongue so elegantly yet maintaining a mocking tone, no one could've done it better.

Eriol knew more than anything else that Tomoyo Daidouji was dead serious when it came to debts of gratitude.

The heiress, as time has made her, became one who dutifully fulfilled debts of gratitude even to the extent of going overboard just to make sure there would be none left to remind the person in question why Tomoyo was thankful. This left her peacefully alone, in the back of the heat of things and, seemingly as preparation for her inheritance, the one people owe a lot to.

Eriol decided to play between those lines of stubborn gratefulness and perhaps, even use Tomoyo Daidouji to her resources' limits. Going overboard, he thought as he watched Tomoyo stare into his eyes, was never out of the question. Eriol leaned in and placed a long, bony index finger on Tomoyo's nose bridge.

'Just what are you doing, Hiirigazawa-kun?' Tomoyo wondered, as she allowed her sight to be diverted by the digit before going back to their staring contest. She pouted playfully and was presented with his trademark Cheshire Cat grin.

'His annoying grin, once again...' she thought, reminiscing the past where it was so often given to her as the supposed answer whenever the magician seemed to always be there when the cards were out loose.

"If she pleases, my London flat is ready for a shared occupancy with yours truly, Miss Tomoyo Daidouji." he whispered, tracing the line of her nose and noting its uncanny resemblance to Renaissance sculptures, before letting his finger rest on her feathery soft lips. They were slightly parted, as with her eyes that were wide with surprise, Eriol figured, because of his offer.

Her brilliant amethyst eyes dimmed a little as Tomoyo thought it over, then catching Eriol by surprise as she enveloped his finger with her mouth, bit it with the gentlest of strengths. By then, there was no doubt to be seen in her lilac pools, only confidence. She pulled at his wrist so that there was no more hindrance, then began to speak. "I see no reason to decline such a lovely offer, dear sir."

He wasn't sure if he should be beaming with happiness or sulking for pulling such an irrational deal with a friend. And so Eriol opted for the safest choice yet; to hide his excitement and surprise with the smile that, all these years, never failed him.

'Really... just what are you planning on doing to me, Hiirigazawa-kun?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: I'm just a little free that's why I have been updating weekly. Couldn't say the same for the following chapters, though. Life's tough, and we all know that. There's absolutely nothing I can do. But there IS one thing YOU can do. And that is to push the button for reviews. NO SLACKING! 

SanzoGirl: Once again, thank you for reviewing. Oh, and Eriol MUST leave since if he wouldn't, I'll have to retype the summary! (Hehe...)

tomoyo-amethyst: I don't really like putting up Tomoyo as a pitiful character, but I just can't help it!

Convoy Butterfly: Thank you! Thank you! However, the chapters addresing your concerns in your first review for I'm Not Okay is still far away... Please bear with me.

Final Author's Notes: This concludes the third installment. I advise you to leave comments. I do not care whether they're lengthy or cut short, if they're flames or dripping with anxiety for the next chapter. I just want feedback. Thanks.


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Just recently, I bought a DeathNote... Now to get the names of those behind CLAMP... Eriol and Tomoyo shall be mine! (insert really evil cackle here)

Summary: Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with that. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: For those who waited seven more days for this update... I warned you beforehand that school schedules are such pains in the butt- it really can't be helped. Even more for the next installment, expect a longer waiting period. Oh, but before you begin to fall helpless, wailing on the floor, I give you the assurance that I'll finish what I started. It would be quite long before the end though. Really long.

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Chapter 3 

September always held the first chill of the autumn season- very much like morning breath, only a lot more pleasant and quite chilly. By this time, the clear skies of Tomoeda would slowly gather silvery white clouds and, in the progressing weeks, crowd it into a white- or is it gray? blur, as they are carried by the cool wind from the North.

September mornings were almost always pleasant. But for Eriol, they held today the queerest of messages. One that is concerned with the person he talked to the night before.

So Eriol Hiirigazawa, after a cup of black coffee and a comfortably steamy bath, took off from his residence, a good read and an extra scarf in hand, and walked towards the Daidouji manor in a leisurely manner. Morning walks were the perfect excuse to drop by without an invitation, after all.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Morning found Tomoyo on her grand four-poster bed, entangled in sheets and dreams of a lively cherry blossom. The light bathed her room and flooded her eyes, persistently telling her to wake up. The young heiress twisted and turned some more, trying to block the light, trying to get more sleep yet feeling more awake with each movement.

She didn't want to- for she knew all that she had envisioned that night would all have been a waste.

Ever since yesterday, Sakura would wake up and be in the arms of her loving husband, beneath white sheets Tomoyo would examine only to find stains- blood, tears and make-up. And she knew, that even though there were none- for Sakura was naive and Syaoran a gentleman, she would still see them in her mind's eye. And afterwards...

Oh gods, we all know she would smile knowingly, understandingly even, in their midst then rock herself to sleep at night, exhausted from crying her heart out each and everyday of what remains of her pitiful existence, her life.

Her life, with all its joys, with Spring so far away- far away from her reach and her eyes.

Tomoyo quickly brushed away a forming tear, quickly arresting all emotions of pain before she breaks down into a helpless pulp once again. She refocused on other things and it fell on the thought of deep, azure eyes.

_"If she pleases, my London flat is ready for a shared occupancy with yours truly, Miss Tomoyo Daidouji."_

There was something else in her dream... rather, it had happened in reality. An offer, and though unspoken, to get away from this prison of pain forever. And since she was not to be made a fool for falling into offers without a reality check, at the very least, for the time being.

That was why she took it up- Hiirigazawa was kind enough to see through her deceiving, calculated smiles and glazed, unfocused eyes.

Tomoyo knew from the start better than to belittle him.

Ever since his sudden return from England, or perhaps even longer before that, she envisioned him on a great chair, cradling the world within his palm- and that all he did was observe daily then act when the time was ripe. Eriol Hiirigazawa, she came to understand, is wise far beyond his years- far beyond what his good looks, his lithe and young frame would suggest.

But, very much like her, he held secrets.

And she wasn't sure if she would ever get to learn everything about him or if she even wanted to.

Leave the past behind... it was the wisest thing to do, at least for now.

And so Tomoyo gently sat up. She fingered the tips of her hair and wondered if she should get herself shorter, more easily managed lengths. She was after a new life- not that she wanted to completely forget her old one. And for most women, having a new hairstyle was the first step.

Yes. She would start from that.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

She had been idly playing with her hair, twirling and working out the morning's knots from small, randomly-taken strands.

Her eyes traveled listlessly from her bed to the bookshelves and the mahogany desk not too far from it. They were as she had maintaned them- clean spotless. They were the very reflection of her face in society. Nothing should be out of place.

"And to think that was where I always stayed, deep into the night, thinking of Sakura's newest costume..." she thought nostalgically, a pained smile gracing her features as her consciousness slipped in and out of memories from a time she knew would never come back.

For Tomoyo, anything, even tortuous memories, would do for the moment, long as it suspended her desperation. Though from where the feeling rooted, she had not a single inkling.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Her mind was nowhere near set on the task at hand.

What seemed like an eternity for Tomoyo was actually a mere 30 minutes in reality as she looked on, past her reflection, and viewed her room with an increased interest.

The special scissors was glinting off a golden light as it was placed on the dresser surface.

Other than the time when it had been placed there, it had not been held or moved. It was just there- somehow existent yet non-existent in Tomoyo's consciousness as she preoccupied herself with thoughts.

Taking one last look and finding that nothing in her room was of interest to her any longer, she returned her attention to the device and sighed.

"Guess I can't." she said with finality, taking it and raising it to her face for a quick examination. It was new, out of the box and still had a faint scent of the department store AC where she had bought it a month ago.

_August..._

The same time Syaoran had asked Sakura's hand in marriage and they were formally announced as 'engaged'.

They were lucky, happy and all smiles and Tomoyo mercilessly showered a furiously blushing Syaoran playful teases and endless puns. She noted that Eriol wasn't there but all the others made it a point to attend. After the affair, she had excused herself and went to the department store.

She eyed the scissors once again then slipped it inside the open drawer. Tomoyo looked at herself in the mirror again but quickly stood up and wordlessly proceeded on taking a bath.

o0o...o0o...im not okay...o0o...o0o

She didn't know anything else except the ice cold rivulets pummeling her body. She was too preoccupied by her inner demons to even think of locking the door or switching the temperature to a more comfortable setting. Her white dress-shirt was far from dry, clinging to her body as it morphed to be almost like a second skin because of its translucency. Tomoyo was simply lost and her mind was far away.

She knew one thing, though. She had to remind her mother to employ someone to get the full-body mirror paneling out of her bath.

She didn't like to see herself any longer.

She was scared. Tomoyo didn't know how to face herself anymore. More like, she didn't know which one of her thousand faces she was going to wear for her own sake.

She never did anything for her own sake- the videos, the costumes, the painful matching up was all for Sakura. For her cousin, her bestfriend, her forbidden love. Always and only for her.

'I've always worn a smile for her sake...' she thought wearily, rubbing her numbing cheeks in nostalgia.

'For her sake...'

It sounded so painful to her ears as it now had to be connected with 'he exists...'

The young heiress covered her ears, yet knowing she did so in vain because the voices she heard were her own.

'And she exists for him.' she completed resignedly, a salty tear gone unnoticeably mingling with other fluids.

A small amount of lather stung her eyes. It would've smelled strongly of her lavender shampoo if only her senses weren't as numbed as they were now that she was crying again.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: (PA System ON/OFF) I just have to use this section to beg for forgiveness from those who are reading my other story, At the Last Minute//Final Deception (yep, this is how the title is written- damn those editing programs) which is under the Death Note category. I am a rock in that aspect- ain't movin', ain't goin' nowhere- and it's such a pang in my conscience when I can update here almost weekly and yet AtLM//FD's latest chapter was posted 9 months ago! Once again, gomenasai! (ON/OFF) 

night-dreams: Oh my... What can I say? I'm honored, I guess. Hope you enjoy this installment.

SanzoGirl: Your reviews really brighten up the page! And yes, of course, Tomoyo and Eriol will go to London... that's where all the fun (and drama) begins. Thank you, once again.

firegoddess372: Thanks for the review! Here's the update! Oh, and thank you for putting this up on alert! Arigato gozaimasu!

Final Author's Notes: FOREWARNING: The next chapter might take another two weeks before release... so there. Till next time, minna-san!


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This pairing is a still-growing, already humongous tapestry in fandom. In the series, it is but a speck and squinting is the only way to see it (actually, I find it rather obvious... Oh why am I contradicting myself?!). Now to find a way to switch that... oh and get the ol' red-hair (bitchy- well, depends on what point of view you're taking,) Kaho out of the way. 

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with it. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: My second longest installment as of now. The first is Chapter 2, whether you believe it or not (not that it matters- which is the longest, I mean). Unlike what I have written before, I actually made it to the end of this week. You readers deserve a treat every once in a while.

* * *

Chapter 4 

It wasn't what he would usually do.

It was against his upbringing as a Londoner, or simply as an English gentleman, to come and go in a house without the proper invitations from its owner.

Nope. Not at all.

And so, how his master ended up waiting for the Daidouji heiress to finish showering- in her own room, nonetheless, was a question Eriol's silent companion didn't dare ask.

'Not that it's my business, even.' he thought pointedly, giving no room for curiosity to get the better of him.

Spinel wordlessly watched his master look out the huge window in Miss Tomoyo's room with keen, watchful eyes.

The garden below, he noted, looked painfully familiar as that of their previous England-situated accommodation. To him, it brought heartwarming memories of delicious breakfasts and wonderfully prepared dinners, albeit the daily occurrence of Nakuru's death traps in between.

Spinel could only guess what memories it brought to his master.

Of course, it was expected of him- being Eriol's servant and all- to remain quiet and to only voice out his sentiments when the master so pleases. Nakuru was a just exception, seeing that the fellow's creator had seen to it that she be as so.

And with that oath of obedience to his master- not to mention, the silent swear never to be alike to the only 'exception', Spinel chose to remain where he was, perched atop one of the magnificently carved columns of Miss Tomoyo's grand four-poster bed.

Without, of course, silently wondering when the Daidouji heiress would decide to stop drowning herself.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol felt the weight of Spinel's glances towards his direction and decided not to give it any heed.

Spinel was not someone who pressed, rather, nagged a matter for the sake of curiosity. And the magician reincarnate realized he was suddenly grateful that his companion here was the contemplative one of his creations.

'And for a matter of reasons too...' Eriol thought, ticking off every item in his head.

With Ruby Moon, the situation would simply be the very definition of pandemonium and catastrophe all rolled into one instantaneous, totally uncalled for event.

'She would be greatly approving for this unexpected visit, but would question for my ulterior motive the whole time during the walk here.' Eriol cited, sighing in fondness for the absent guardian.

His eyes strayed from the garden outside to the beautifully-furnished room, finally resting on the entrance of the heiress' walk-in-closet in which direction he could hear the faint gushes of water from the shower.

'And only she would have the nerve, rather, courage to prop the bathroom door open and inquire Daidouji-san's well-being.'

He would've chuckled, inwardly, of course; but instead he found himself silent, unsure of the next idea to connect with his train of thought; that until then had been an undisrupted, continuous line, was now all ellipses if not complete spaces.

For the life of him- he whose past life had everything of every substance to amuse and preoccupy himself with, Eriol was drawing blanks for thoughts. And all because each and every one of his previous thoughts led to Tomoyo Daidouji.

Not that was something he found the least bit wrong. Just distracted, is all.

But he wasn't the least bit frustrated. Nor did his desire to leave Japan for London with said girl as companion waver even the slightest.

'Must be the flowers...' Eriol thought nonchalantly, blaming the blooms that, only recently, he was giving the most attention to.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

It was very subtle at first and so, Tomoyo chose to ignore it. Instead, she pulled her arms even closer to her drenched chest as she arched her back so as to allow it to acquaint with the ice-cold water. Not long after that, however, she began to shiver again, more violently this time and she had to clench her jaw just to keep her teeth from rattling. Her body had enough of the arctic-like exposure and it was evident, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it.

With a sigh, Tomoyo turned the shower knob counter-clockwise and stood still, waiting until no drop of water could be felt on her shoulder, her back, her body. Only then did she make a move to step out from the spacious, shower compartment to the tiled section of her sophisticated bathroom.

The modern take-off complimented the royal blue carpet-matting and the metal detailing found within her bathroom. The bright yellow-orange stalks of birds-of-paradise and its unvarnished apricot vase contrasted tastefully and gave it a little earthy touch. The black mosaic tiles randomly placed for accent gave more warmth to the steely atmosphere the other features in the bath would have entailed.

Tomoyo took it to herself in choosing the colors for her bath. She found it a pleasant distraction in between Sakura's periodic calls during Syaoran's courting phase. The cherryblossom had smilingly asked advices from her beloved cousin in facets like what dress to wear, how far should she allow Syaoran in their more frequent, progressingly heating up kisses.

Tomoyo had questioned as to why she was being asked of her opinion- seeing that she had no intimate relationship past filial with her mother and platonic with her friends. She wasn't dating anyone, or had, at least in a romantic level.

'Because Tomoyo-chan always knows. Ne?' Sakura had answered then, the smile evident through the line. Unsure of what to how to reply, Tomoyo gave her a reassurance of always being there for her cousin and best friend. If ever she doubted Tomoyo's answer, Sakura had done a great job of hiding it. She thanked her cousin again, announced Syaoran's arrival and greeted farewell.

The other line was cut off but Tomoyo's mind was once again too preoccupied to even care. 'I always know... ga?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

She was then in the middle of choosing between black and white for the color of her bath linens when Sakura phoned in to happily announce the occurences of their first make-out session. After the phone call, it wasn't even a choice anymore.

Tomoyo stacked her bathroom closet with bath slippers and towels, face towels and hand towels and bath robes in the same, monochromatic deep black color. No other color was to be maintained for her bath linens, was what she had especially instructed to their head housekeeper.

'But young-miss... black is for mourning.' the old lady reasoned out, tugging a pastel orange cloth for preference. 'Why not a change of color? It still suits the theme.' she had offered.

Tomoyo smiled almost half-heartedly. 'Black is for elegance. And this light orange tone would be perfect for the walls- compliments white, you know, but not for my bathrobes.'

The wizened lady nodded in understanding, her disappointment cushioned by the heiress' careful choice of words. She turned towards Tomoyo's army of consultants and sped them off to work.

When she left, Tomoyo retreated back to her seat, her figure limp and very much defeated.

'But, indeed... black is best known for symbolizing mourning.' she whispered into the air, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before fluttering them open once again.

She glanced over to her cellphone that was now in powersave mode; remembering that only a while ago, it was heralding her damnation from the world. From angelic lips, no less.

Tomoyo might've forgotten, since she had drowned herself in alcohol that night, but a tear of genuine sadness had streaked her cheek.

And the tear, for all its worth, were followed by many more to leave an indelible mark in her soul. And no matter how she might try to deny it, the pain engraved would not, could not be so easily lifted by a single smile from the very object of her happiness. Not so easily now. Never, perhaps, tomorrow.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: Well, what can I say? I'm a rather sadistic writer. I love having them both drown in bittersweet misery- rest assured though, they will still end up together. I still am an ExT fan, you know.

Oh and you might notice a change in the perspective in the next installment. It's not that I like Eriol better. However, this isn't a one-sided story... and lately it has been- focusing on Tomoyo's pain and all that.

Final Author's Notes: Lately, because of this and other factors, I've been losing focus in my studies. You might say this is far more enjoyable and worth the time than studying- and I have to agree. But I'm a lazy idealist as well. I would like to maintain my current status of being in the rolls... with the least effort possible. Actually, by writing this, I'm giving zero effort- definitely not meeting my standards since zero effort would equate to me being a lazy bum.

firegoddess372: It's all written in the subcategories, my dearest reader. This fic's all about drama/romance. Note drama. I'm glad that it's fine with you. Uhm... about Tomoyo moving in soon. I guess the story's really set in a slow pace, ne? I'll try to address this in the installments to come. Thanks for reviewing.

coolgirl388826: I really do appreciate you putting this story up in your favorites. However, I would appreciate it more to hear from you about what you think about my story. Thanks, anyway.

Sadame no Kageboushi & shizuka03: I also appreciate the both of you for putting this up on alert and having to put up with an almost steady stream of bot messages about my story, but I'd really rather hear from you guys. It's in the reviews that I can really feel your interest in my story, you see. Thanks, by the way.

Follow-up Final Author's Notes: Expect a complementary installment in the making by next week and completion by the week after that. I'm not promising anything, though.


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm working my best here so CLAMP should better sue me for playing it hard for Tomoyo and Eriol. 

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with it. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Note: I love a good, long read, too, you know. Here's my longest and probably the most boring (oh I don't know, I'll know with your reviews! Yay!) of all my installments. This is the sixth, this is the longest, this is mainly set under how Eriol sees the world and this gives a slice about his life in England. I'm too anxious about my periodical exams' results so relish for as long as you can with this long installment because this might be your last -just kidding!- rather, only installment for this month.

* * *

Chapter 5

_Tomorrow..._

A word referring to an indefinite period of time in the future- a day after the present, a time when no action is yet concretized. Some kind of outlook in one's consciousness that is not encompassed within the bracket of now, the present.

To Eriol, the dictionary account simply would not do. Tomorrows always held the promise of change, if not continuity. It amounts to what has been laid out before, the very realization of it, or an important milestone leading to the desired result. The very complexities shown so splendidly by his previous life as the great magician, Clow Reed, by picking out his sole inheritor and laying the path for her to follow, guiding her along the way.

But as he had learned, progressing and growing and developing once more in another vessel of a body, certain words hold true for one but is a lie on another. His current existence as Eriol Hiirigazawa, a young man of almost twenty, has a different meaning to the word, if not entirely different from Clow's.

It was not in his bidding to remember it so suddenly as he was waiting for Tomoyo to finish her morning ritual- or at least, what was left to it, really.

Perhaps it was only reasonable since the atmosphere unnervingly matched his feelings. Besides, it wasn't everyday that one comes across a garden, a house very similar to his own. Or at least, his before.

Nor do you find yourself staring down on pavement in the same style as the one you've stared quite some time ago, some five thousand miles away.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The road, by then, was very familiar to both him and Kaho already. They walked it together, going to the house of a dear friend to share dinner. It was painted a soft crimson by the light of the dying sun and the long, lingering shadows were a soft, pastel gray. He had walked her there, his hand enveloping her own, watching her crown of red hair form halos in the fading light.

His mouth formed into a smile as he recognized an approaching figure from the other end of the way. Eriol turned to see Kaho smile as well.

He liked her smiles, and wouldn't have liked to know that that particular, fleeting moment would be the last time he'll see it. Not for a very, very long time, at least.

_**'We'll see each other tomorrow... I promise.'**_ Eriol remembered Kaho saying, before turning her attention to the figure. Eriol didn't move a muscle as she broke from his grasp and walked toward the horizon, toward their good friend.

She could've waved, winked or at least, looked back from her shoulder to give him the smallest of glances. But she hadn't. Nor did she keep her promise.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Thinking back to that singular moment in the past as the magician reincarnate eyed the dark, hollow space of the Daidouji heiress' walk-in-closet, Eriol felt a familiar pang of frustration and anger course through him. The wave of sadness, of the sense of betrayal, bereavement and simply abandonment overrode those feelings, however, and Eriol never felt it as strongly as he did now.

As to why, he had no idea. Perhaps the idea of going back to London. Or the fact that his would-be companion there was as captivating as Kaho was to him before. Before all the complexities of relationships, special companionship and simply Kaho's own sense of being difficult came in.

Eriol found himself shaking his head in disapproval. These little bouts of... comparing Daidouji-san and Kaho were erupting in his line of thought more frequently than he liked. It will not do if he wanted to give his best in looking for Kaho Mizuki. His Kaho Mizuki.

That is his main goal as of the moment. But it was still his priority to assure the well-being of his companion- he didn't want any extra paid baggage made of paneled wood, now would he?

o0o...o0o..i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo didn't bother to extract a bathrobe from her cabinet. Instead, she took out a bath towel, patted her face, arms and legs dry, and stepped into her walk-in-closet without so much as a care of turning the lights off.

The plush carpet beneath the soles of her feet were warm and even ticklish. The rest of her body, however, was shivering. It wasn't so often that Tomoyo would allow herself to a cold shower early in the morning. Besides, the weather wasn't giving any sort of help.

The heiress rubbed her palms together, feeling small tinges of warmth rising from skin to skin contact. Feeling a little more comfortable, she felt the walls for the switch and turned the light on. The mellow, yellow-tinted light didn't hurt her eyes and she began opening drawers and closets, shuffling through her expansive wardrobe for something comfortable but something that satisfied her whims for the day, as well. She came across a creamy cotton pulldown and a pair of gray slacks.

'It's not like I'm going out or anything...' she thought to herself, placing her hand over the articles. Somewhere in her mind, though, something tugged her to bring out her black poncho as well.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The silhouette of Miss Daidouji did not pass unnoticed in the eyes of the ever keen observant Spinel. He threw a glance at his master whose eyes were fixated there as well.

'If Master Eriol were that stupid Ruby Moon, overflowing with unpredictable hormones out loose and all, I might tell him to back off Miss Daidouji myself...' thought Spinel to himself, agreeing that it was best that Nakuru wasn't there to literally harass the girl. 'But then again...'

Spinel knew better, however- knew his master's mind was actually elsewhere and opted to remain quiet, lest he startle both. He did remember to look away, though, the moment he heard a rustling sound coming from the Daidouji girl's direction.

'Uh... master?' he telepathically called to Eriol, whose attention was then touring the backstreets of London once more. Eriol threw him an inquiring look, taking into his own awareness that Tomoyo Daidouji had already stepped out from the confines of her bathroom and was currently preoccupied with dressing.

'I think it's best for her not to see you so casually seated on her windowsill this early in the morning. I could feel from her aura that her health is not so much in top shape as she appears to be when she is out and mingling with her friends. I am under the belief that she may concur a heart attack.'

Eriol weighed his chances and sighed, smiling. 'Very well, I would leave her room's premises. I'm not quite sure where you got that streak of ill-timed humor, though.' he continued, faint amusement dancing in his eyes. He reached into his pocket for his sealed key, muttered some phrases and soon held his staff in its full glory.

'I'll be relying on you to relay my message her to then. I'll meet her right now in Penguin Park. I'm sure I'm not that easy to miss. I've considerably grown quite a lot these past years.'

With that final statement, Eriol himself ended the mental conversation and gave the carpeted floor a firm yet gentle tap. Spinel only watched as his master slowly, but surely disappeared from his sight.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo further ruffled her hair dry with the towel as she stepped out, fully dressed, from her walk-in closet. She wasn't sure why she thought of the possibility of anyone besides her being in her room, but this morning was almost an exception to all the other mornings she had woken up to.

Nothing seemed to be out of place other than her bed which she still had to fix. The sheets were, like all other mornings, twisted and contorted in impossible creases and wrinkles- signs of her frustration, her desperation and pain being fully exercised against hapless, inanimate objects. She smiled almost sourly as she approached her bed.

"It's too bad you're the ones I sleep on..." she said aloud, confident no one else in the mansion could hear her.

Her mother was, as always, away on a business trip. Her bodyguards were diligently doing rounds two floors or so beneath her and the servants were either still asleep, having a free day or cooking up her breakfast two floors and one wing away.

It wasn't like she was isolated- all of her hobbies needed a lot of room, is all.

So in the end, being alone was indirectly her own choice- everybody else were just giving her much freedom to exercise that choice.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Spinel cleared his throat and wasn't all too surprised to hear Miss Tomoyo's sharp intake of breath.

"S-Spinel-san, right?" she asked tentatively, a porcelain-white hand poised on her chest in a gesture to calm her heart. She bit her lip just a little as apprehension for her being so easily surprised. After all, wasn't she the one who told herself that it was a different morning from all the rest?

"Yes, that's right, Miss Tomoyo. It's good to see you after a long time." Spinel greeted passively in reply. "I'm sorry if I caused you a shock earlier. The matter is quite urgent, there would be no other reason to bother you so early in the morning."

Tomoyo turned, her ears leading her towards the direction of the voice. Sure enough, the guardian was there, in his false form, curled around like a real cat on the top of one of the posts supporting her curtain-draped canopy. His glass-blue eyes revealed nothing but passive seriousness and his emotions certainly did not reflect themselves on his blank face. It was quite surprising, really, since she often caught that same face alive with irritation for Nakuru-chan. Nevertheless, she wasn't one to play with the past- and Spinel spelled business right away.

"To what urgent matter do I give my gratitude for honoring me with reuniting with a previous acquaintance?"

Spinel chose to override salutations and formalities and went straight to the point. "My master wishes to speak with you. In Penguin Park, right now."

Tomoyo's eyes clouded a little, remembering herself agreeing to his offer. She would've laughed inwardly for following her intuition- indeed, it wouldn't do her good traipsing outside without any additional article of clothing. She thanked Spinel with a brief smile, the nearest she could get to being really sincere as of the moment, offered him to stay for tea- which he politely declined- and greeted him a good day before pulling at her poncho and her pair of knitted gloves.

"Feel free to stay as long as you wish, Spinel-san. I'm afraid I couldn't be a proper host for you today. I will make it up to you someday, surely." she told him, her hand at the door knob. "I'll leave this open for you, then. Till next time, I guess." Tomoyo stepped out of her room and Spinel was left inside it, wondering about the heiress.

'She's very considerate, despite that unconvincing show of lightheartedness. Why is she trying to pull other people's legs anyway? And why..." Spinel paused in mid-sentence as he lifted himself up into the air and went over to Tomoyo's bath to switch the lights off, "why is she coming with us back to England?"

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol had long tucked his sealed key away in his coat pocket. After he had willed his body to be transposed to Penguin Park, he quickly surveyed the area for any accidental witnesses and fortunately found the premises empty.

'It's perhaps due to the weather- this bitterly cold air and sickeningly gray sky. Too depressing for ordinary people, I guess.'

He paced the perimeter of the park in slow, leisurely strides before actually entering the park proper. The giant penguin with its golden crown was still there, its paint noticeably renewed just last week to prepare for the coming winter. He seated himself on one of the swings, finding it quite awkward to do so because he had to deal with his long, dark slacks-clad legs. He tried swinging himself back and forth, feeling a little bit of nostalgia building up inside of him. The creaking of the metal structure was strangely pleasant to his ears even after not hearing such strains for a long time. He nearly closed his eyes in appreciation.

There were parks like this in London, too, he reminded himself. Only, a lot more crowded- given that they are located in a big city and not in some small town, residential suburb like Tomoeda. He missed it sorely, London with all its sights and sounds. But he missed Tomoeda, too and he had gone back to enjoy it with his friends and celebrate with his beloved heiress and impossible yet cute, little descendant. He had not counted on one thing, though. And that was to bring the Daidouji heiress back with him.

'Why she even agreed, I'm not that sure, so-'

Eriol's silent reverie was cut short by the sight of Tomoyo- smiling and sitting just across where he sat. His initial reaction was to stand. Instead, he voiced his sentiments.

"When did you- I didn't notice you were already here, Daidouji-san." he exclaimed, surprise evident in his voice. He was a little bit elated at the same time embarrassed. He was, or at least, his abilities were slightly humiliated by being unable to note her arrival firsthand.

Tomoyo, after being addressed for the first time since her arrival, beamed a little more. "It's good to know I could still capture your attention, Hiirigazawa-kun." she said with much jest and teasing. She tugged her poncho even more closer to her shoulders and chest, feeling a sudden gust of cold wind. Eriol, by then, had stood up from the swing- his legs feeling a bit more at home standing up.

The magician reincarnate strode to where she sat and greeted her as well. He politely declined her offer to sit beside her and instead, leant on the trunk of a random sakura tree. He had regained his composure, plastered a Cheshire grin for good measure and was soon very much into a heated, enjoyable argument with the Daidouji heiress.

"Spinel-san said you had to meet with me and that it was urgent... Are my conversations with you that amusing for you, Hiirigazawa-kun, to find having them to be so urgent a matter?" she inquired, silently including her wonder about what the real matter was.

Eriol gave her a smile before replying. "Indeed, they are very amusing for me- I do believe I have to have a daily dose of them. Good exercise for my mental faculties, really-"

"Not to mention to sharpen your expertise in sarcasm, too." Tomoyo had cut in.

Eriol feigned shock. "Sarcasm? Why, you cut me, Daidouji-san!" He beamed in triumph, seeing a slight look of outrage flicker in her eyes. "Besides, isn't it more hurting to cut another's sentences, not allowing them to speak their mind?" To this Tomoyo narrowed her amethyst orbs before flashing him a forced smile, announcing him victor.

Relishing in his victory for this round, Eriol decided to answer her implied question. "We'll be leaving tonight. Paperwork could be fixed easily, so I could leave that for a much later time- say, some hours before our departure. I advise you to have your belongings ready by five this afternoon. And..." he paused a while looking her over.

He saw nothing near fear or disappointment in her face. If anything, he saw it brighten a whole scale. Her eyes were expectant and her lips were curved to small smile. "And if you have anything to settle with your household, you should be able to finish them by the same time."

Tomoyo nodded, allowing her eyes to linger on her shoes and the ground. She was happy, almost ecstatic, actually, to gain a more than solid foundation for her fleeting emotions.

"I'm glad, really, that I agreed to your offer. A-and it's okay... you can rely on me. I don't want to be imposing on you or anything." she said, raising her head and meeting his eyes.

Eriol didn't know why, but he certainly did know that meeting eyes with Tomoyo Daidouji was definitely bad news. He felt a tug of guilt wash through him and before he could stop himself, he opened up to the heiress.

"I'm going because I'm looking for a person, Daidouji-san. And-" Eriol caught himself before saying anything particularly offending, or at least, that was what he thought. "And she's very, very important to me. I wouldn't be able to really accompany you since... looking for her is my top priority. I guess you can- you can back out of my offer."

Hearing this didn't particularly dampen Tomoyo's thoughts. In any manner, whatsoever. Her mind was still reveling in the idea of escape, of new beginnings and London. She had gone there once and fleetingly, only, for matters of business. But she had been amazed, almost to the level of culture shock, had it not been for her bodyguards providing a very familiar atmosphere of rigidity and reservedness. She liked London, loved its people, its sights and sounds. And she wasn't to be deprived of a tour guide now, not when she can choose.

"No, Eriol Hiirigazawa. I've taken up on your offer. And whether or not you could provide me company during my stay isn't really the matter here. I mean, I can choose to accompany you in finding her." Tomoyo thought over her next statement carefully. She didn't want her chance of freedom to go flying out the window. "Besides, she is my teacher... she is, isn't she? Kaho-sensei, I mean."

Eriol nodded.

"It's too late to take your offer back, dear gentleman. This lady wants to go with you. And you shall oblige me by picking me up tonight."

To say he was taken aback would be an understatement. This side of Tomoyo Daidouji was something he could only equate with her Grade 5 self, then ever so determined to dress Kinomoto Sakura and Li Syaoran in matching costumes and would have nothing else. To see this all over again... and in a different scenario, nonetheless, was simply breathtaking on her part.

Eriol dropped his Cheshire grin and presented Tomoyo with a sincere smile of gratitude. He presented Tomoyo his hand, which, thankfully, she had accepted, and helped her up from her seat. He, on the other hand, bent his knee slightly before taking her offered hand to his lips and planted a light, feathery kiss on the back of her hand, all the while maintaining eye contact with Tomoyo.

"Of course, milady. I will be most honored." he said soon after, maintaining his revering posture and closing his eyes in a show of sincerity.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo felt her face heat up. It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences- he had done this gesture time and time again with her. But this one time she felt very embarrassed to meet eyes with him and so opted to look at the hand still held by his own. Warmth was rooting from the bases of her fingers, where his lips had made contact with her skin. She was overwhelmed with surprise however, at noticing a mark beginning to form just below her fourth finger.

An eighth note... "Wha-" she started, quickly raising her head and opening her mouth, only to be silenced by the wizard's intense azure gaze.

"That is the mark of my promise to you. Lest it disappears from your hand, you have all the right to demand my promise's complete realization.

It works both ways... if your heart is fully satisfied, this mark will disappear, as a sign of me keeping my word. But, even though, the mark is long gone, you may remain in my company as long as you wish it."

Tomoyo was startled. Eriol... was he taking this a tad bit too seriously? "Wa-wait. Isn't that your promise?"

Eriol smiled. "I promised to give you what you asked that night- escape and the total liberty of your heart from pain. And I keep my word. As to this mark's second purpose, it represents your power over me... as the person whose request I should and would fulfill." He released her hand from his grip and watched as she clasped both her hands in front of her chest.

"How-" she squeaked, barely managing to speak as the truth that he obviously knows her intentions for agreeing to his offer was made crystal clear for her. The mark of a promise... The ability to demand for its completion... Her heart's complete liberty from pain... He knew everything. And yet...

And yet, still...

Eriol felt her tense and somehow regretted his decision. He was making her uneasy. Perhaps she didn't really understand what it meant? What the mark stood for?

"It's for my end of this..." Eriol searched for the right word. "...deal. Yours would be to help and accompany me. Is that arrangement... more settling to you, then?"

Yes. It was a good balance. Her heart's liberation for her assistance in his search. Though it still weighed wrong in her mind, she nodded meekly.

He eyed her still, doing nothing else but unsettle her even more with his stare.

"Definitely. It's better than nothing." she said to him, more determination building within her.

Eriol looked her at the eyes one last time before scratching the back of his neck in silent, though reserved agreement. "Well, then, where do you want your mark placed?"

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: firegoddess372, I hope this length satisfies you. I felt like wanting to subdivide it further (and tear it up to bits, if I may say so) but it would then be another cliff-hanger. This contains about three thousand or so words and even for my hands, that's a total workout on the keyboard. I'm doing piano... and I believe that's enough excercise. -.- **_Waahh! I'm a bad writer, I'm inconsiderate! God forbid!_** -whack!-

... That's a wrap up! Thank you for reading the authoress' omake! Just kidding! Oh but, in any of that, the only lie would be the fact that I think piano is enough exercise for my hands. I draw too, you see. However, though I'm more than willing to share my talent, my deviantArt account's too boring to share, so there! End of story! -rolls up sleeves, imaginary ones, of course- On to serious business!

Kay D. Chan: I truly appreciate your review! It makes me really glad (not to mention, a little bit giddy) whenever someone reviews! Hehehe... guess all writers feel this way. I will continue this for sure, so please continue to review! Thank you once again! Uhm... please tell me if I'm stupid for not knowing this but... uhm... what is RADIANCE? -sweatdrops- I-is it a fic? Ahh... please enlighten me on this one...

CattyRose: I'm sorry if reading this story made you... uhm... guilty? and annoyed? **_Sorry, that bit was a little unsettling... I enjoyed writing this so... I figured readers would enjoy it, too._** It's good that my portrayals went off well! Thank you for letting me know! Oh and yeah, I noticed that in the fics I read too. The one about Suppi-chan, I mean. But as of now, he's more into figuring what the hell is going on with Eriol's mind to tell him off! Eheheh... -.-;; And here's the update! Oh and thank you for placing this in your favorites list! I'm really honored! -turns to Eriol and Tomoyo- _You guys! You should show your appreciation, too!_

SanzoGirl: Once again, thank you for reviewing! Ah... I'm like a broken record already... I have to agree with the 'poor Tomoyo'... but as of now, in my opinion of course, the 'poor Eriol' is only fitting if one squints! Perhaps later on!

firegoddess372: (See above for short omake featuring you! **_Is that even worthy of being called an omake, I wonder..._** I guess I like to take things slow. I, for one, like to put much detail. I'm afraid sometimes, it becomes simply too much. I hope this isn't too much for you.

Sadame no Kageboushi: Yay! I finally heared from you! Thanks for heeding my call! **_Jeez! That came out sappy!_** Thanks for reviewing!

Final Author's Notes: The words may be many that you could get cross-eyed but I know, I know. They're still in Japan, in little Tomoeda. What the HECK are they doing there still... and the like. I can't really blame you. As I have said earlier, I love details so much, it sometimes becomes...uhm... a hindrance to the story's progress. Next chapter and for sure! You will see both of them walk in London! GYAAH! I'm fired up and, more than ever, determined to dump them right into the middle of all the action! and drama! and suspense! and romance! and horror! and general?! Simply put, I'm dropping hints for the plot already.

**squintsquintsection** There'll be a character death but of an entirely different kind. There'll be OCs. Note the 's'. **_Means it's spelled as o-c and s... WRONG! It means plural!_**

Okay! That's all I'm giving out for now! Till next chapter! Review, minna-san! Onegai!


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: To begin with, I'm not the first one to think that Eriol and Tomoyo will make a very fine couple. I'm not the first to go kyaa!-kyaa! over them, too. It's CLAMP that should be sued for not sharing the view of the many and set Eriol-Tomoyo as one of their canon pairings. Ah, but then we'll have to stick with the kind of relationship that they will show then, ne? 

Summary: He was leaving Japan to look for what was most precious to him. And Eriol was leaving for good. Tomoyo was just a last minute companion, nothing more. But she was fine with it. Leaving with Eriol, she thought, was an escape. Truly, she was fine with that.

Author's Notes: With this sixth installment, I'm realizing one promise, that of placing these two lovebirds (though in my story, they haven't reached that point yet) in London, England- the place I've made Eriol talk nothing else of and Tomoyo dream about in almost every chapter, and breaking one as well, that of Chapter 5 being the last chapter to be released for this month. This installment is quite special (**and lengthy, so I couple it with an equally lengthy babbling from my part! BWAHAHA!!!**). It runs in a very confusing- or at least that's in my point of view- time-turner fashion. I hope you readers are in for that... Hm...Is there anything else to say, I wonder? I'll try to maintain a more lengthy chapter from now on. Cheer me on, ne?

* * *

Chapter 6

A few minutes or so after the airplane had fully left the ground, Tomoyo began to feel listless once again. It was still too early for her to recline but she wasn't feeling too eager to start a conversation with Eriol, either. Her handheld luggage, her stressball for this instance, consisted only of her purse, her wallet with all of her cards, pocket money and other key items in its confines, her cell phone and lastly, an orange.

Tomoyo thought of checking her financial assets once more; counting on the rarest of possibilities that she misplaced a card or had lost her savings account book by mistake just to have an almost convincing situation of being preoccupied, or at the very least, in the eyes of a certain all-knowing wizard who just happened to be seated beside her.

Just as she finished unclasping her purse and right before she lowered her hand inside, Tomoyo was startled to hear Eriol's playful, inquisitive voice.

"Is there something wrong with your purse? That's the third time you've perused it since this airplane took off," he began, tilting back a little in his seat. "Are you perhaps worried that you've brought less than you ought to?"

Tomoyo eyed him with a quizzical brow, her uneasiness rising by alarming degrees. 'What were you even thinking, Tomoyo? Of course, he'll notice. He is THE Eriol Hiirigazawa after all.' she thought, carefully keeping her inner dilemma to herself.

Eriol, greeted only by silence from his companion, continued, "You know full well you could ask me anything. It's just a matter of me and you agreeing it's part of the d-"

'The deal, again...'

Tomoyo annoyedly placed her hand over his to stop him from pushing the issue any further.

"I think I've had just about enough of that talk. We've already settled everything in Penguin Park- and that's about 12 hours ago, Hiirigazawa-kun." Tomoyo tried her best to suppress her irritation, and would've been successful in doing so, if not for the plain fact that it was a magician reincarnate, and not some other ordinary person, that she was talking to. Her tone wasn't helping her, either- reincarnate or not, anybody could've guessed she was as ticked off as any girl misunderstood could be- what with her choice of words and strained delivery.

"Yes, but you see, I wouldn't really like it to have you be all fretful about expenses that I, as host and master of the house, should be seeing to and worrying over. You are my guest, Daidouji-san. Please allow me to attend to your needs while you are with me."

Tomoyo noted the sincerity in his voice, but was well aware that the message was also dripping with teases. She decided to address it with her own challenge.

"Who said I was worrying over expenses, even? Really, Hi-kun," Tomoyo gave the nickname extra stress and unnecessary strain, "just because I'm reaching inside my purse doesn't mean I'm looking for my wallet, silly."

When Eriol didn't manage to retort a comeback when Tomoyo had expected it the most- perhaps from respect or simply because he couldn't think of anything else to counter her, she turned her attention back to her purse and retrieved the orange.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Suddenly feeling tired, Eriol leaned back once again to his inclined seat and tried to find a more comfortable position for his steadily pounding head. It was only a mild stroke of pain across his head and his chest but he suddenly felt very weary, too weary, even, to answer to anything. Recovering little by little, he chose to remain quiet after that but kept watch over his amused companion.

The pet name Tomoyo had used was not lost on his ears, pounding head and all. How could it? After all, the name was very familiar- used particularly by the raven-haired heiress when he had purposely stepped over an unseen line.

Normally, hearing it coming from her would've been amusing, exhilarating even, what after so many years of them not really having a decent correspondence, sans formal letters and brief overseas calls.

But something... no, someone. Someone had called him in the same manner before.

With a welcoming, sunny tone. Every morning, together with a cup of his favorite blend of tea and some buttered toast.

Oh how he missed her! The glow of her face and that graceful craning neck! Her loving eyes and the halos on her red hair! How she greeted him into the new day with his beloved creations at the side!

_**'Ohayo, Hi-kun.'**_

And everyday, the first, the only thought in his mind as he opens his eyes and the dark realm of dreams disappears once again, is this woman.

"Kaho..."

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

He watched Tomoyo play with the succulent-looking orange. It was colored a brilliant, bright orange- pastel in their cabin light, and looked very delicious as it danced with the heiress' porcelain fingers. In between moments of concentrating on the small show were memories of him and Kaho in England.

One arc, two arcs... he noted her pink clean nails and remembered Kaho saying something about them. Something along the lines of how to keep them clean and healthy... a third arc followed by a fourth. The wizard curiously watched as the orange seemed to suddenly have a mind of its own and jump out of Tomoyo's hand out of its own accord. He followed the orb as it ran down a bare white forearm- whiter than Kaho's- before being stopped by the crook of the heiress' arm and falling neatly onto her lap where another hand- the one supposedly throwing it for another arc, was already waiting patiently.

'Five arcs... six...' Eriol continued to count, his azure orbs going left and right as they tried to keep up with the orange.

The whole scene, he noted, reminded him of a picture from a children's book he had seen Kaho reading once, out of pure fun and curiosity; an intelligent black kitten pawing its latest toy- a ball of orange yarn, eyeing it with great curiosity and at the same time, fondness. And this black kitten was yet being watched by a passive gray kitten, its eyes wide with curiosity but its nose wrinkled in indifference. Kaho had pointed out she was the child- in the previous page- who watched over her two kittens. While he, she had randomly said out of amusement, was the gray one.

"Who is the black one, then?" he had asked before, earning a shrug and a smile from the red-haired woman.

Now Eriol knew. The black kitten was none other than Tomoyo.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

And yet, it was the same intelligent, playful cat, sitting beside him now, who had looked so indifferent- almost as passive as the gray kitten he had in mind- earlier that evening, even with the same orange held fast in one hand and the same purse in the other. The Tomoyo he had seen that time was one who was determined, almost not caring, even bordering selfish. But that image lasted only for a split second, for she had broken it herself, smiling a small smile that, he noted, didn't reach her eyes.

"Hiirigazawa-kun." she had greeted, stepping to the side and opening the door at its widest, bidding him welcome to her abode.

He had kept all the questions to himself- tamed his heightening curiosity, and presented her a smile of gratitude. Yet, all the while- as he was ushered inside the Daidouji manor, seated in a parlor separated for Tomoyo's personal use- he was quiet, deep inside, he had hundreds of questions he hoped to find answers to.

Though as to the root of those bothering questions, the cause of everything- from every insincere smile, to every fake laugh, he knew it could only be Sakura. This much, to him, was obvious.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The glinting face of the cherry-wood clock on the mantle read five minutes after five. Eriol decided he had arrived earlier than planned and had at least ten more minutes to spare. Their plane wasn't leaving until ten- first class, the last flight for London. With this in mind, it wasn't too hard for him to relax and really stretch out on the comfortable chaise lounge- with nobody other than the Tomoyo Daidouji sitting just across him, serving him tea.

The air in the room wasn't as heavy as the bar's last night, but it was still laced with silence, an almost pleasant one for this instance. Setting down the tray with a melodious clink from the silverware, the heiress began conversing with him, almost surprising him.

"I almost thought everything we've agreed upon was just some huge fantasy cooked up by my head. Mind you, it would've been the best- not to mention, most ridiculous- yet."

Eriol made no gesture of replying verbally. Instead, he nodded only wordlessly, a small grin showing both his agreement and slight amusement.

The Daidouji heiress placed the cup and saucer in front of Eriol and reached to her side for the teapot. Pouring the hot liquid to about three-fourths of the vessel, she peered from her work and asked in the same tone, "How do you like your tea?"

Eriol opened a lazy eye and glanced at his tea cup and the liquid inside it. Unable to really perceive what he wanted, the magician reincarnate inclined his head a little more, his dark hair hanging over his equally dark eyes, both now open.

"With a teaspoon of honey and a slice of orange. Of course, judging from the scent, that is Earl Grey?" Eriol by then, had crossed his legs and was leaning his trunk to the round, parlor table, eyeing his reflection on the surface of the fragrant liquid.

He was a natural when it came to afternoon tea- what with being a person who spent most of his years whiling away in the confines of a very much English home, where tea may as well be the center of everything? Eriol Hiirigazawa knew his answer right away and wasn't ashamed if he might have demanded so in a manner that someone would usually find insulting and irrationally inconsiderate.

But finding people insulting and the like weren't really the fortes of the ever immaculate Tomoyo Daidouji. She may even seem naive at a glance, yet all-knowing by the second. Nevertheless, her undergoing a very different kind of upbringing and early exposure to a strict, persnickety kind of society would help remind a person that Tomoyo Daidouji is simply, in all matters, extraordinary. Even how she perceives those around her is considered an important item in the checklist, one that is provided, of course, by pedantic aunts hidden somewhere in the background.

So as expected of her, Tomoyo smiled, placing the teapot back to the tray. "Yes. Earl Grey is my favorite- besides green and chamomile teas... but I prefer it blended with nothing else." she replied, before standing up and walking towards the door. "I'll just go to the kitchen and check if we still have what you request."

Before she was able to truly leave the premises of the parlor room, Eriol called, saying, "You should try, then. Perhaps you'll like this new experience."

Tomoyo paused as she was about to close the door and thought over it. Eriol only prodded her a little more before she finally nodded, consenting to his wish. "I guess there's no harm in being able to taste a new blend. I'll be joining you shortly..." She walked a few steps, her hand still hanging onto the latch. A minute passed and she found herself facing Eriol once again from the doorway, his eyes inquisitive as to what was keeping her. She finally spoke when he was about to stand. "After this, after tea... we'll be going?"

There was still plenty of time; both of them were aware of this fact. But both were anxious to leave as well. Tomoyo, to her promised escape and Eriol, to start what he hoped would be a more fruitful search.

The wizard smiled, tilting his head a little to the side in amusement. And he was actually about to stand and inquire her of her condition! "Yes, yes of course. As soon as you are ready, Daidouji-san."

To this, Tomoyo only nodded, quickly retreating once more to the hall behind her before finally closing the door and leaving the parlor and Eriol to himself.

Alone for the first time in the private parlor room of Tomoyo Daidouji, Eriol's eyes first fell on the face of the clock before cross-examining the other treasures her supposed sanctuary held.

On its face, only a minute or so had passed.

For Tomoyo, however, whose heart was racing wildly in a feeling she could not put to words as she strode over the carpeted floor, it felt like an eternity, starting with that one look from the most mysterious person she had ever encountered.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol was in the brink of dozing off in his seat; the comfortable warmth brought by his black trench coat and burgundy scarf lulling him softly to unconsciousness. Watching the orange bounce from one white hand to another helped as well- the perfect arcs reminding him of a pendulum's, only, upside-down. His clear line of thought was already skipping periodically and his eyes were near half-lidded. The sound of citrus peel meeting with soft skin almost sounded like a lullaby to him, as he leisurely sat there on his chair. Indeed, for the life of him, Eriol Hiirigazawa felt very much at home lying blase on his 120 degree-inclined seat, surrounded by mellow cabin lights and first-class perks some 30 000 feet above the ground.

He could probably say the same for Tomoyo who, judging by the small sounds, was still toying with the fruit. He remembered seeing her eyes go soft at the sight of chilled Paul Masson White and some shot glasses upon entering their cabin. Then again, he couldn't be too sure- the wine bottle was just across a cushioned day-bed, complete with ribbed, velvety pillows and thick, warm blankets.

It was a possibility, and never out of the question, that the raven-haired girl was possibly looking at those.

Their reclining seats were then stowed away- leaving the day-bed as the only comfortable, occupiable space in the room- and when they requested, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed attendant quickly came and assisted the both of them, pulling the chairs from the sides of the cabin. "Would there be anything else, sir? ma'am?" she had asked in fluent Japanese. Eriol and Tomoyo politely shook their heads, earning a polite, "If you would be needing anything else, I'd be happy to assist."

The both of them, having dismissed the stewardess in the same polite manner, were soon left to themselves in the cabin. From that point forward, Eriol began to notice the uneasiness of the heiress, starting from her eyes darting left and right to her current occupation, having an orange at her mercy.

Eriol, already feeling sleepy by that time, gave Tomoyo a quick glance before truly closing his eyes and fully relaxing into the soft cushion of his chair.

He was too sleepy to notice the importance of having a blue-black-haired girl, instead of a red-haired woman, as the last coherent thought in his mind as he ushered in the darkness.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The moment she noticed Eriol slip into unconsciousness, Tomoyo grabbed the orange from the middle of its 19th ascent, quickly robbing the fruit from any chance of falling again. She briefly fingered the smooth tangerine skin again before tucking it inside her coat pocket.

Tomoyo Daidouji wasn't exactly waiting for another chance to be close to the wizard while his guard was down. She wasn't near requesting him to open up to her, either. Tomoyo had to remind herself that Eriol's interests were for one single woman and that it would do her no good to try in vain to forget Sakura and use him scapegoat-style.

'But...' she thought, leaning closer to the young man. 'It would be a waste to not know what your companion is really like from up close.'

Apparently, after being given a taste of a pretty much bare Eriol- with all of his guards down, Tomoyo found it even more enticing to have another session of scrutinizing what she saw as the most peculiar of all the male species she got to make acquaintances with.

'What could be worse? Him catching me checking him out should be the least of my worries... I mean, what would mother say?' she thought as she extended a hand and cautiously brushed a stray strand of hair from Eriol's face.

The feeling of being so close to someone she regarded as untouchable, unreachable was, more than anything, reeling in the edge of insane anxiety. Coupled with excitement, of course. It was the kind that makes one's heart race and the fingertips shake, even a little. Having no intention of waking Eriol up this soon, Tomoyo decided against any more skin to skin contact before she actually collected herself and calmed down.

'I keep making queer analogies for you... Eriol Hiirigazawa.' she added thoughtfully, her eyes on his smooth, pale skin.

'First, as a producer... now, some kind of specimen on a slide for my personal viewing... what will I think of you next?' she wondered, her eyes now on his aquiline nose. Given how slender it was, she couldn't help but compare it with Michelangelo's David- whose marble one left a remarkable feeling of strength at the same time youth. The keen similarity with their first-hand impressions, besides the very obvious fact that they were almost ethereal in beauty, was the first thing that attracted her to the statue and its corporeal counterpart; what attracted her eyes as she traced the line of his nosebridge, with the metal frame of his lens sitting astride and all, before finally falling to slightly parted lips.

'I wonder if he had kissed somebody else other than Mizuki-sensei...' she wondered randomly, allowing one finger to lightly brush them. She immediately regretted her action as his breathing hiked up a notch, his eyelids fluttering a little and his warm breath escaping from his mouth as he breathed out and notified the alarmed heiress that there was no damage done.

Getting the point but deciding to heed her instincts, Tomoyo distanced herself immediately from her dozing companion and contented herself from examining his handsome features from afar. Without any distracting, nevertheless attractive, body part near her senses, the raven-haired girl found it easier to rationalize and think over her previous actions and thoughts.

_Especially with the most recent one._

'Mizuki Kaho-sensei... why is he looking for her anyway? Why did it come to this in the first place?' Tomoyo asked herself, knowing the answers will come much, much later, if they would ever come, even, she wasn't at all sure.

The questions, surprisingly, were coming out smoothly in straight, uninterrupted lines- the most persistent one being, 'Is she really the only woman in Eriol's life?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

To this particular question, Tomoyo realized she wasn't really willing to know anything related about it. And for a good number of reasons, too.

Asking it to Eriol- the only true person required to give light to this- would be like giving him a trick question wherein he could neither save his image nor that of Mizuki-sensei's. It was no different from asking him whether he wasn't going to wear women's undergarments today, where he could only answer either with a yes- signifying he was planning to- or no- simply telling he was not going to for the day but could do so in some other time. The complexities of the argument was something she vaguely remembered from their English-Speech class on argumentation, but the basic idea is giving the person no opportunity for a safe answer.

Another point with her question was simply that it wasn't in her current position, or in any case, business, to know if Eriol Hiirigazawa had other affairs besides that with her elementary teacher. Though she does have to have concern, both for the magician reincarnate and Mizuki-sensei, it goes without saying that she should know her place and act appropriately, no more, no less.

Asking any more trivial queries like that one was out of the question and Tomoyo knew that more than anybody.

If she truly wanted to be grateful to her companion... if she truly felt the need for an agreement to take place- her soul's liberty for one of his more sensible pursuits, Tomoyo Daidouji knew that respect...

'No... basic trust, at the very least...' she corrected, thinking it over, '...it's what I need to have. After all...'

Tomoyo glanced at Eriol's direction, taking in the reassuring view of his restful face. His mouth had formed a small smile- 'Whatever he's dreaming of must be something he likes...'- while his eye brows seemed a little less tense than before. These she took notice of, but only passively. What she really was very particular of was a certain area being shadowed by the fringes of his dark hair.

Though unseen by her probing eyes, the fact that she had handpicked that expanse of flesh- just above his left eyebrow, a little off from his temple- as the area for which her insignia on Eriol would be placed, it was simply impossible for Tomoyo to remain as deadpanned as she liked.

'At the end, it truly is impossible... Unimaginable, unthinkable but...' Tomoyo extended her hand for the last time and reached for the locks covering Eriol's face, enveloping them gently with her small, slender fingers and lifting them with what seemed to be no effort, judging from her level-headedness and impassive face, but actually, her heart was beating madly and only too much anxiety was keeping her from truly losing control.

The symbol was small, light in color and very discreet. Without being there to notice how the mark materialized on his skin, Tomoyo wouldn't have been surprised if she would look thoroughly for numerous times and still couldn't find it.

The catch was that, she didn't find herself so fortunate being the other case, though.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

It was an opportune moment for her. Chou-Sui, the household's youngest scullery maid in employ, had luckily refurbished the kitchen's inventory the day before. Tomoyo turned down any of the other maids' persistent efforts to steal the serving tray from her grasp and hurried off to the parlor with the spouted, glass vessel that the Daidoujis use for their honey, or any edible substance following the same, sticky consistency, for that matter. As for the orange, Tomoyo could clearly remember leaving a whole fruit somewhere within the confines of her personal parlor.

'At the corner table, perhaps?' she asked herself, balancing the tray with one hand as the other pried with the latch. 'Funny, it wasn't this heavy before...' Giving a stronger yank, the latch finally gave way and the door to the room opened.

"Thankfully, you didn't lose your balance, Daidouji-san." Eriol said, his standing figure in front of the fireplace. "You know, you could've asked my assistance."

Tomoyo shook her head, smiling afterwards before proceeding to the parlor table and placing the tray there. "I'm perfectly capable of opening my own house's doors, Hiirigazawa-kun."

'And the same goes with myself, my own doors...'

Eriol paid no heed to her reply, staying silent, looking only at the face of the clock- it read 5:10.

Waiting for him to seat himself, Tomoyo preoccupied herself by pouring a cup of tea for herself. Raising porcelain to meet with her lips, her eyes strayed from her dark-haired guest to his own cup of Earl Grey, noting that, during her absence he hadn't drank a single drop.

"Your tea's getting awfully cold..." she started. Eriol only met eyes with her, nodded, but didn't make any effort to cross the floor. He even faced the clock again.

Tomoyo wasn't irritated, but what could be so interesting in the clock-face? She felt one eyebrow raise inquisitively. "This wouldn't do, you know... Be it any other day, I would even gladly pour you another cup but... Besides, it would spoil the taste-"

"Daidouji-san?" Eriol cut her in mid-sentence, facing her again, his thin arms crossed at his chest. His posture was perfect, straight and collected. His voice was another thing, though. It staggered and he seemed out of breath.

"Yes?" Tomoyo brought herself to meet his face out of courtesy.

"Will you still trust someone, knowing leave you in time?"

Tomoyo was dumbfounded. She gave no reply, and instead, only looked longingly back to her tea cup, nestled on her lap and interlaced fingers.

How could... should she? Would she? She had asked herself numerous times and in no instance did a satisfying answer came to mind. It was the same with everything- with her father, with her mother. With Sakura, with her other friends, even with him. All of them would leave her, some already did. That, or it will be her, Tomoyo Daidouji, who would distance herself from everyone. Trust? She had started to lose that long ago... finding it in the same opportune moments in her life. It was simply tragic luck that she was to lose it again with the same person with whom she found it.

A sharp clink brought her out of her reverie. Eriol was already seated across her in the chaise lounge, his legs crossed in a gentlemanly fashion. The demitasse spoon accompanying the glass container of honey had traces of the gold, sweet substance and was lying on Eriol's saucer.

He was smiling his Cheshire grin at her while sipping quietly.

She smiled too.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

'In one way or another, surely, Hiirigazawa-kun, you do care for me... do you not?' Tomoyo smiled at Eriol's serene face, grateful he had slept, giving her time to think various things.

She allowed her fingertips to lightly brush the mark on his temple before pulling back her hand from his face. 'You really are handsome, you know that? You probably do, and a lot of women, intimate with you or not, probably have said this long before I did.' Tomoyo thought amusedly.

She allowed herself to spread languidly on the seat, stretching her aching legs and raising her arms high above her head. Tomoyo took deep breaths in order to calm her rapidly beating heart. Being so near to Eriol proved to be rather distressing, even for someone as calm and cool as her.

'Ah, but I guess I would have to get used to this feeling...' she confirmed, slightly enjoying sensation. It reminded her, even in so slightly a manner, how it was to be truly alive and kicking and feeling. 'After all,' she continued, 'I will be with you for some time.' Tomoyo shot him one last look before she herself gave in to sleep.

o0o...o0o..i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: Actually, I was planning to incorporate this whole installment- flashbacks and all- to the idea wherein the both of them are eating orange slices. I guess I ended up having a rather long omake... **_sweatdrops... ehehehe..._** Enjoy!(?)

The cabin light seemed more mellow to Eriol's eyes as he opened them, finally waking from his slumber.

At his side, Tomoyo was silent, holding the orange with both her thumbs at the small depression on the surface of the fruit.

Eriol leaned towards her, trying to guess what she was doing. She faced him, smiled and returned her gaze at the fruit, her shoulders bunching together simultaneously. Applying much more pressure, the skin finally gave way to her deft fingers and the Daidouji heiress' face lightened up a notch. Succeeding in the first part of peeling an orange, she felt pretty much smug as she displayed her small talent to Eriol who seemed to enjoy the show.

o0o...o0o...omake...o0o...o0o

A few minutes after, the both of them were already enjoying their own pieces of the citrus fruit. The peelings, gathered previously on Tomoyo's lap, were already thrown in the trash compartment.

"This orange has a queer taste." she said randomly, biting into one slice, its sourness evident from her wrinkled nose and closed eyes.

"Oh?" replied Eriol, his face composed as ever, what with having Nakuru's nastier concoctions as training ground for toughening his palate.

"It's sour- as it's suppossed to, but," she paused, finding a more appropriate description, "I'm reminded of the tanginess of wine."

He nodded in complete understanding, a smile plastered on his face. Then, with a clear, stern voice and a more serious, almost resolute expression, replied Yamazaki-style, "Did you know, Daidouji-san?"

'Ah... this act again. I almost missed it...' Tomoyo thought, a smile beginning to form. "No. What is it, Hiirigazawa-kun?" She gave him another segment to eat as the magician reincarnate's eyes began to twinkle mischievously.

o0o...o0o...omake...o0o...o0o

Listening as Eriol made up stories about cultivating oranges with a distinct wine taste for commoners in the end of the nineteenth century, Tomoyo truly felt more at ease with his companionship.

Too bad she ate too much orange.

Tomoyo felt the beginnings of a stomach ache coupled by a headache.

'This is just so great...'

o0o...o0o...owari omake...o0o...o0o

--grins--

* * *

Author's Notes: So much for a lengthy chapter... _yare, yare_ Ahh... what should I say? If you got confused with the flow of the story you could PM or reply and, well, though I'm confused as well-- _**HECK! Why should I be confused?! I'm the authoress, the puppetteer! The exploiter! The -umfrphmph! **_ Ehehehe... Well, that one up there is, more than anything, a formal omake. Hah... hope you enjoyed it_**... You really should! I slaved over that and managed to finish it in time! M-umfrmohphswah!- I really should stop embarrassing myself!!! I shall whack my head for good measure**_!!! (-while the whacking ensues...-)

firegoddess372: Thank you for saving the last tendrils of my dignity as a writer by calling that omake- in my eyes, it's not even close to the really good ones- funny. And here's another long one...

CattyRose: It could pass for a novel, your review I mean. Here's an update and thank you, thank you for reviewing! Your hyperness -**_is there any, still?_** is greatly appreciated here.

sweetkris: (-pauses from the whacking and grins sheepishly-) Thank you for saying that my story is cute. I'm actually going for the dark, deep(xInfinity) plot but I guess moments of fluff and the like are inevitable.

Sadame no Kageboushi: Thanks for reviewing! Uhm... hope you liked the update.

Final Author's Notes: So you wouldn't be left hanging, I've got a few announcements to make. First off- THIS IS IT! Tomoyo and Eriol's whole flight from Japan to England is the main point of this chapter. It's the expanded version with lots of flashbacks and details- I LOOOVE details. Anyway, the thing is... the next chapter is already set in ENGLAND(!), baby!!!_** I ramble...even HERE?!**_ Point #2- In the rough outline I've made for this story, there are four main parts, rather, arcs. With that in mind, a change in the summary is inevitable- and so with every single time I change the summary, a new arc is in the horizon, 'kay? I guess that's all... I've rambled far too much already. See ya in England! _**Or at least, in my story, that is... ehehehe...**_


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Earlier this month, I've been browsing through Tomoyo pics and happened upon some very interesting deviations... If only it could've been so... _**sniffle, sniffle**_ -- try browsing for Borrowed Time in DA (deviantart) 

Summary: Before they left Japan for London, Eriol and Tomoyo made a deal. She was to help him look for Kaho while he would help her with coping up from her unrequited love. But if something goes terribly wrong, who would pay the price?

Author's Notes: Holidays are almost over! Hope you've enjoyed yours, minna-san! As I've put in the footnotes for the previous installment, I'm starting a new arc by setting up a new summary. I guess this is the most anticipated moment of all- Tomoyo and Eriol set loose in London! (_**That didn't sound quite nice...**_) Reviews are highly appreciated!

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Chapter 7

When the flight attendant peeked into their cabin, one seat had already been stowed away to the side and the polite raven-haired girl she talked to earlier was lying down rather diffidently on the day-bed, her long legs dangling on the side instead of curled up comfortably on the folds of the mattress, most of her body hidden beneath the beige sheets and her head cushioned by the ribbed pillows. Her eyes were closed, tension almost evident in her knotted eyebrows. She was also sweating profusely.

Eriol was looking at the figure intently from his seat, leaning towards her direction and conversing with the heiress in a hushed voice.

As the brighter light pervaded the spacious cabin, the magician reincarnate's attention was stolen and Eriol looked towards the uniformed woman's direction, smiled a little before glancing back towards Tomoyo's lying figure once again, whispering to her ear.

"We will be arriving soon, sir. Is your companion alright? Will she need anything? aspirin, extra blankets, perhaps?" the stewardess asked, her concern genuine. She stepped inside and closed the cabin doors so that the light wouldn't trouble the girl any further.

Eriol smiled a little. "She's quite comfortable as she is now... but I guess it would be best if there's an aspirin and bottled water available once she's sitting up, thanks." he said.

The woman nodded in reply, excused herself from their cabin and after a few minutes, returned with a small foil packet and a bottle of water at hand.

As he was busy in rousing Tomoyo to prop herself to a sitting position, Eriol gestured for the flight attendant to leave the items he requested for on the small depression on the cabin wall. She soon left, hurrying to other first class passengers in their own respective cabins.

Tomoyo, through almost half-lidded eyes, glanced to her companion. Eriol was busy with tearing the foil packet and pouring some water in one of the airline-provided paper cups. He wordlessly gave both the medicine and the cup to her. While trying to remain seated primly, Tomoyo only gave the articles an almost painful glare.

"About that incident in the bar... I haven't thanked you enough..." she began, as Eriol reclined once again to his seat. "And now this... I'll soon find myself indebt to you for always. I'm truly sorry, Hiirigazawa-kun. I'm being a burden when all the while, what you needed was someone who could help you look for Mizuki-sensei..."

To this, Eriol offered a small grin. "Having the Daidouji heiress indebted to me doesn't sound too bad at all. And... Would you like to drink your medicine later?"

That's right. The raven-haired girl still had her hands slightly outstretched like they were a few moments before when Eriol first handed the cup and the small, white, round drug to her. She moved little, if ever she did.

"...No," she said, propping the medication carefully into her mouth and drinking some water, "I wouldn't want to miss my most intimate visit to London for the world- besides, I heard the night view's spectacular."

Eriol smiled at her. Tomoyo sighed, overwhelmed by what she could only name as relief, and closed her eyes, smiling a little as well. And after the flight attendant finished her rounds and had found the time to still check on the pair, the room was once again reduced to comfortable silence.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol and the flight attendant helped each other in strapping a dazed Tomoyo to her seat in the most comfortable position possible. As the flight attendant resumed her position, so did Eriol, securing himself to his seat as was instructed by their pilot as they neared London's Heathrow Airport.

From his vantage point, he tried looking out the small, window to the murky black sea of small lights that was London. After two months, he was finally back. He held back a grimace, a tear and a sigh of relief. He held back his hand which was reaching towards Tomoyo's own. He didn't care if it was somewhat anticlimactic in a sense- if he didn't know for sure what made his hand move, whether out of anxiety, excitement or something else entirely, he would have to arrest any of his friendly gestures, especially those that may be more misleading than helping.

'It's crazy...' Eriol thought.

'This... this is crazy. After two... almost three months, I'm back. Back here in London. And...' he glanced to his side, noticed the heiress had once again dozed off, '...with Daidouji-san, no less. What was I thinking? Bringing her along just because I promised her...'

He immediately scoffed at himself and shook his head. Really, what was he trying to pull off? He was the one who offered this to her! But...

'Back then, when I comforted her, did I seriously think there's something that could be done? Something I could do to assure her happiness? Did I really believe, enough to promise her the very next day with the mark of promise?

'Seeing her that way, miserable, in pain. Drowning in her sorrows...reduced to such a lowly existence because the one she loves has left and there is nothing to be done. It must've been a moment of nostalgia. Yes, it must've been so. Or, it could've been something he had picked up from staying in a child's body for a time period far too long to contain normalcy. Stupid, stupid Eriol...'

His hand, then supporting his chin as he thought, went to his forehead as he resignedly shook his head in confusion. It was too late, and buying the heiress a ticket the very next day and asking her to leave immediately just because he felt that what they were doing, what he was asking her to do had been the mere output of his irrational whims, it would inevitably turn the wizard into the ultimate schemer seen as perfectly evil by Daidouji Tomoyo.

He loved her company- her well-timed wits and her charm. He longed for her biting arguments- the challenge she offers is more than enough for him to want to befriend her. He didn't want to lose that, now that he has her right beside him.

Eriol's head hurt and he wondered whether he should ask for an aspirin, this time, for his own head troubles.

'What am I to do now?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

She started drinking at an early age.

Her lucky bastard of a father had left her and her mother's side long before she was actually born, and was not the reason as to why she tried to take a swig. It was Sonomi's nightly ritual to tuck her dear baby Nade- rather, Tomoyo (she had to remind herself) before going down to the kitchen and the wet bar. She'd get drunk on tequila until one in the morning, not heeding the whimpers of her baby for the whole time she was dragging another shot to her throat- for Tomoyo never wailed, or cried, only whimpered, and by the time she did get up to handle the situation instead of the head housekeeper, she would sing Tomoyo to sleep with her breath reeking of alcohol, and her eyes bloodshot from the tears and the heat scoring down her throat.

It pretty much did nothing but pique little Tomoyo's curiosity concerning the world of drinks. By the time she was five, it was already her routine ever other week to wake up a little later than three, sneak out of her room and take a shot glass from the highest shelf her childish arms could reach. Afterwards, she would tackle with the refrigerator door or, if her mother had been drinking again, simply climb on the counter and pop the cork from the bottle again. Every once in a while she would be caught, apprehended a little and told off to her mother. Tomoyo grew up never knowing whether it was because Sonomi was too busy with her job to even care or because, as Tomoyo's mother, she could completely empathize with her daughter that she never truly scolded her daughter against her habit. Besides, it was a plus in society to have a methodical, discerning taste on these kinds of beverages. To hold oneself is a credit as well.

She only started becoming an alcoholic just months ago. Tomoyo figured that her body could cope the sudden hike of her alcohol intake, given its introduction and continuity during childhood.

However, it went the opposite direction. Her health failed more often- and with her headaches, increased her abscences. She'd often ask her house-help to buy her some medicine from the drug store in the middle of the night, her eyes stinging from the tears pouring at the corners of her eyes.

She knew she looked miserable. She felt it, she saw it, the Daidouji manor and Sakura were in an uproar because of it, but of course, the genki cherry blossom was too preoccupied with her dearest Syaoran to pay a visit and check on the cause of Tomoyo's leave. The head housekeeper was already pleading with her to at least pay a visit to the doctor.

"Young-miss..."

Tomoyo only looked her way out of respect, but she wasn't listening, wouldn't be listening at all. Still wanting to be heard out, the old lady continued, "By eating little to nothing for the whole week and then consuming at least a bottle of whisky each night, you're bringing your health to ruins..."

"'Please, young-miss, at least... to the doctor..."

Tomoyo turned her back to the deeply worried elder and thought it over. 'It seems I would never have my peace unless I assure them... Sakura, too.'

"Alright, Nishi-san..." she drawled, trying to sound as callous as she can.

"Y-yes, young-miss?" came the hopeful reply.

"Arrange an appointment for me."

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

It was almost midnight when their plane landed. And a little after that when they were finally in short, tired queues, waiting for their luggage to appear on the long, dirty black conveyer belt. Eriol helped Tomoyo with her rather bulky tag-along, while waiting for his smaller baggage to reach where they were standing. Tomoyo looked behind her and, sprawling over the stretch of high glass panels and steel was her very own land of promise. They were finally in London.

From the long, dark shadows created by the airport structures, Tomoyo half-liddedly watched in silence as Eriol hailed a cab and gestured, rather animatedly, where they wished to be taken.

At least two had rejected him because of the distance, one simply did because it was already too late in the evening. By the time the magician reincarnate secured the both of them a ride, her body had already sent fifty-so alarms to her consciousness.

Her head, pained and a little disoriented, was already tired and very dizzy. Her stomach was no good, either. It kept blaring out at her, making no noise but instigating her hands to grip at her abdomen tightly, so tightly that it hurt.

She usually drank the pain away. A small metal canister filled with vodka or any kind of alcoholic beverage for that matter, was always kept in her bag before. Whenever she felt like it, she'd have a swig or two, unseen, of course, by the adoring company of her friends, especially Sakura.

Seeing Sakura and Syaoran together hurts more, an inner voice reasoned and Tomoyo knew it was right. But that in itself, didn't comfort her, nor did it take the pain away.

'Not that I thought going to another country'll immediately make me forget...' Tomoyo thought bitterly.

'But is it wrong to hope against hope, that they would no longer haunt me?'

As Tomoyo waited and leaned on one of the cool, steel pillars, she wished she bled.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol sat comfortably at the back of the cab in silence with Tomoyo, and maintained a cycle of watching the girl, looking outwards into the colorful spectacle that is Central London at night, and watching the raven-haired girl again. He would sometimes begin small talk. He was lucky to even get a grunt of approval from the distracted lady.

The trip from Heathrow Airport to Eriol's home in Grays was more or less thirty-three miles. They haven't even reached a fourth of that long stretch but Eriol felt too weary to speak with his companion already.

'So Daidouji-san can be an extremely dull and dreadful companion as well...' he thought sulkily, disappointed beyond expression.

He glanced her way as he heard a muffled thud. She had leaned, her head resting on the door frame on her side, her amethyst eyes hidden beneath tensed eyelids. The Daidouji heiress was frowning, too.

'Shit.' he thought, almost forgetting her actual condition as he drawled endlessly and tried to make decent conversation.

He tapped her shoulder lightly, rousing her and making her eyes flutter open. "D-Daidouji-san?" he called, "Has the medicine took effect?"

"I don't think so... I'm sorry, you must've thought I'm sleeping through you already. I'll try my best."

Eriol pained with guilt and kept quiet. He reached to his side and, finding it, offered the weary heiress the bottle of water. "This might help. I should be the one to apologize. I haven't been considerate enough. I kept on talking. I'm sorry, I really shouldn't keep you up."

Tomoyo smiled, taking the bottle and drinking a little. "Yes, this did help. And no, Hiirigazawa-kun, the apology isn't necessary. You're not inconsiderate." She smiled his way and Eriol felt a little lighter.

But even with that, her smile was the tired, restless one. Eriol took her hand and squeezed it. Tomoyo had to incline her head questioningly.

'What does he want?' she could only wonder.

"My shoulder's awfully softer than the door frame, Daidouji-san. Or if you want, I could lease my lap to you, as well." he said, one of his more pleasant Cheshire-grins present.

Tomoyo smiled, leaning to his warmth with only a little reservation. "That's very generous and gentlemanly of you, Hiirigazawa-kun. Remind me to never take up your offer again, once Mizuki-sensei is back."

Eriol had to smile as well. If he moved a little, he would be able to rest his chin on that cascade of raven silkiness. "And why is that?"

Tomoyo's clear voice was reduced to a whisper. "The cab driver just smiled our way in the most approving manner. We must've looked like some lovey-dovey couple."

"To have Daidouji-san as a partner would be a dream come true for any guy." chirped Eriol playfully.

"Not for you, though, oh taken man."

The both of them chuckled and the distance, the tension and awkwardness was once again dissolved.

The rest of the leg was a more pleasant one after that, too.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Nakuru had been watching a tear-jerking movie late into the night when she heard the sound of a car engine. She reached to her side at the corner table for the remote and paused 'The Notebook'. She leaped from the soft couch and sped after the door, it's irritating doorbell getting into her nerves.

By the time she reached the door, a large poom-poom had already formed above her head and she was more than ready to scream expletives. She beat the person to the knob, and opened the door rather too strongly that a creak from its hinges became imminent.

"Master Eriol! I know you love being all gloomy and depressed, going on hungerstrike is something you take very seriously and you've just come back from your self-imposed exile in Japan!" she wailed, wasting no time to breathe in between her words of rage. "But!"

Nakuru's hand reached for the lapels in front of her, her recognition zero but her aiming precise. She closed her eyes, breathed in and shouted out another long lecturing. Her voice, by now was equal to the highest decibel attained by screaming into a megaphone (and as a result, their nearest neighbor's hearing aids were now into self-destruct).

"YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO MAKE ME STOP WATCHING THE ADAPTATION OF NICHOLAS SPARKS' THE NOTEBOOK JUST TO HAVE ME LISTEN TO YOUR LONG DAMNED, BLOODY DOORBELL!"

A kind of still silence rang through the neighborhood. A calm voice spoke and came somewhat farther than what Nakuru would expect.

"Hm... Remind me to buy a different kind tomorrow when we take out Daidouji-san for a pleasant stroll around the neighborhood, Nakuru. Now will you please drop the kindly cab-driver?"

Nakuru drained all color from her face. She had let out her full-blown rage and had missed.

The assaulted cab-driver had sped off in fear even before Eriol had the chance to formally apologize for Nakuru's totally uncalled for session of harassing. The luggage he had so generously offered to bring and carry inside the house were lying on the frontage, forgotten. What was left were a grinning Eriol, carrying in his arms a drowsy, but stirring Tomoyo, and Nakuru whose head hung low and whose cheeks were a crimson red from embarrassment.

"Well, we have to bring Daidouji-san inside. I think she's starting to get cold." Eriol offered, not the slightest disturbed by the exchange earlier.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo liked where she was and she nuzzled closer.

Something very, very warm and soft was enveloping her. The scent of cinnamon, sandalwood and minty, high-mountain pine, and something very close to morning dew and wind right after the rain assaulted her senses in the most refreshing sense.

Then came a booming sound, almost disturbing her very restful state. Soon following it was a very calm voice that seemed to come from that which was enveloping her. It lulled her into a deeper state of rest and calm.

A long while after that, the warmth was replaced by what felt like the cool underside of a newly-washed comforter and all around her was the softness that could only characterize goose-downs on clean, cotton sheets. The scent lingered a little longer than the warmth that Tomoyo wondered whether the warm, comforting entity was still with her.

A muffled voice, the same calm, cool voice that may as well be singing spoke to her. Tomoyo felt like answering but she was too tired. She hoped the entity would understand.

The inky black of deep sleep and dreaming was creeping at the corners of her mind and Tomoyo knew her half-consciousness would soon be reduced to nothing. She reached up, hoping the entity wouldn't leave her, and relief came when a soft, warm hand placed itself gently on her forehead.

The picture of a light, almost faded insignia of the sun flashed in her mind for a brief moment before she heard the sound of a single droplet of water falling into a collected puddle.

Soon after that, the comforting darkness, and only darkness draped over her mind's eye and only then did she truly felt at peace, sleeping a sleep with no dreams of a certain cherry blossom.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Seeing the smile that graced the raven-haired girl's face made Eriol smile. He removed his hand from her forehead and hovered a little to watch her serene face.

'It must've been a very long time since you had this deep a sleep...' Eriol whispered, his intense eyes observing how tranquil Tomoyo's face was without the small creases of deep-seated anxiety. He brought up a hand to trace her smile into the air with his fingers, "...and this smile mustn't have appeared in your face for an even longer time."

The magician reincarnate smiled and straightened up, looking the sleeping Daidouji heiress once more. How could he not resist smiling for this lamenting angel? The flawless, porcelain face stained only by endless tears her weeping heart could not fully bring out. A heartbreaking smile shown only when she is truly having a deep sleep, deep enough that her weeping heart is stilled, if only a little, and her mind is at peace.

'I shouldn't disturb you any further. Sleep well, Daidouji-san. Your heart deserves a rest. It has wept long enough."

Eriol tucked her again, before walking across the room and switching the lights off. He looked back to Tomoyo's sleeping figure then closed the door as he left its confines.

Nakuru was waiting for him at the living room and she stood up as she acknowledged him coming down from the stairs. "Master Eriol..."

"Nakuru, how should I comfort a broken angel? How could I, when I know my time would be taken up by my heart's regrets?" he asked of the guardian sincerely. Nakuru came over to his side and squeezed Eriol's hand comfortingly.

"I don't know Master Eriol. She's gotten thinner than when I last saw her. Tomoyo-chan's killing herself, drowning in her sorrows like that."

"She's become an alcoholic, Nakuru..." offered Eriol. The guardian's eyes looked up at the direction of the guest bedroom, remaining silent.

Eriol broke off from the hold and went to the fireplace. He fed some more firewood to the already blazing light before sitting in a troubled way on the couch.

"What are you going to do, master?"

Eriol sighed, remained silent for a moment as he thought over the matter and consulted his inner wisdom.

"I promised her." he replied quickly then the room was reduced to silence.

Nakuru dreaded the question but she knew she had to know where he stood for the matter. She mustered her courage and asked him, "And what of Mistress Kaho?"

Eriol's eyes flickered with pain but his determination remained strong.

"I will find her. I have long made it my life's purpose to learn what happened to Kaho. But... I need a strong Daidouji-san to support me when I learn the truth about her."

Eriol's conviction grew, his confidence, a little and his determination remained undeterred.

"If it should reach to that point, I am ready to wipe each one of her tears dry. I promised her."

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

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Author's Notes: I really meant for this to be finished and done through yesterday, Jan. 1 so that it will be something like, a new year, a new chapter. _**Crappy, right?**_ I don't know... these kinds of ideas really do come and go for my part.

kiuna'yukina: Thank you for reviewing! As revealed by this installment, Tomoyo's mark on Eriol is the sun! Of course, not the simple, kindergarten-kind of sun- perhaps a tribal-inspired kind or the ones used in older children's books illustrations (the one with the kindly face). It's well and good that INO's turning you to an ExT fan as well! As the authoress, I'm honored that my work is influencing/persuading you to like the pairing! As a simple (rather rabid, I should say) fangirl, I should say, go for it! Hope you liked this installment!

Sadame no Kageboushi: Ahh... hai. Gomen for the delay for this one. I'm ashamed to not have put up a chapter during the month of December. About Eriol's feelings... of course, in time. It's good that you weren't confused, that's a relief. Faster updates? That depends to my teachers if they would be so kind as to free up my time. Hope you'd also find this installment to your liking.

sweetkris: It's nice to hear to you like INO so far! Thanks for reviewing and yes, as much as possible I'll be working through the next installment little by little. Hope to hear from you on this chapter too!

tai yang airen: Glad to know that you like long chapters! Hope you enjoyed reading!

boredjl: Hm... I went and followed my instinct on the bookcharEriol,Tomoyo&Kaho thing and I'm glad you found it interesting. I was trying to create allegories and mini-parodies for the pair, anyway. Terribly romantic, ga? Hehe, well, I'm a romantic, besides having S and M fetishes. I'm relieved to know you actually find my story refreshing! On Eriol's nose... this was decided upon when I know of no other alternative to the definitely unbecoming cute, upturned button-nose type. I've tried picturing Eriol numerous times as a 19 y.o. (_**'cause that's his age here**_) and that kind of description doesn't suit him. So... yeah. I hope you enjoyed this installment and thank you for the review!

Final Author's Notes: Just because I was lazy during the month of December, it doesn't mean you could slack off! ...Well, fine. I'm not going to ask for anything like this so number of reviews, but, yeah. Reviews are much appreciated here.


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I decided to cut some slack on those who criticize my work by being a little more considerate on my ranting. CCS is a series under CLAMP- the characters and the all-time engaging story of a girl bestowed with powers in the quest of subduing magical cards are theirs. INO, my playground, and the characters created by yours truly for the sake of INO, my puppets, are rightfully mine. I only borrowed Tomoyo, Eriol and the others for the duration of this story. 

Summary: Before they left Japan for London, Eriol and Tomoyo made a deal. She was to help him look for Kaho while he would help her with coping up from her unrequited love. But if something goes terribly wrong, who would pay the price?

Author's Notes: Okay... so I guess I should say sorry to all of you who's put INO on alert and favorites and to all those eager reviewers and readers for my being super lazy. January was a tough month for me- we had our 3rd quarterly exams on the fourth week, student's week and sportsfest on the following week and immediately after that, the saga of the monthly killer shoes! I only got to writing this installment during the last week of January, so please be gentle on me! Reviews are highly appreciated!

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Chapter 8 

First was the searing heat. The flashes of red, orange and yellow came along with it. What she saw in her mind's eye (for she knew she had her eyes closed) was a kaleidoscope of warm colors and blinding lights. It unsettled her, worried her, roused her from deep sleep to half-consciousness. She ended up panting, writhing and twisting in her sleep, crumpling the sheets beneath her. Her head tilted this way, then the other, and back to the other side in a vain attempt to allow the cool wind to comfort her. In the wee hours just before the first light, the whimpers grew to groans. In the inky darkness, her neck burned, her face felt hot and her forehead felt stickily damp with perspiration.

Next came the biting cold. And, unlike the heat, it didn't leave her. It lingered at her extremities, at her insides and gripped her mind so violently. It was awful on her feet and her hands, but most of the uncomfortable feeling came from her abdomen and her upper arms, creeping up to her constricting chest, up to her thin neck. Her body crouched in the way infants would in sleep, instinct saying she would be able to contain the warmth better that way. She shivered still, the blankets around her helped little, if ever they did. Nevertheless, she clawed on them, instinctively gathering them in great folds at her neck, her back and waist. She crouched some more and tried not to move, lest the cold would creep in more that way.

No signs of a once deep sleep could be seen on her face as Tomoyo Daidouji woke periodically, her eyes unable to focus, whimpering, clawing at the sheets as the pounding in her head worsened. She would open her mouth sometimes, silently calling names as silent tears rolled down her cheeks- her mother, their head housekeeper, a bodyguard or two. And when no one comes, she would weather the pain, the heat and the cold and lie down once again; she would force herself to sleep.

Only to wake up in that manner again.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

'No one would come.' she thought, as she always did.

There will come a time when she would be left all alone. Her mother had long gone, Sakura had just left her, and she was sure all the servants in the manor were tired and sick and fed up with keeping her company. They will leave her to her own dispense. And no one will come. No matter how many people she called out into the night or how many faces she tried to chase in seek of comfort or how many names she tried to recall just to feel her existence, their existence supporting the validity of her argument that she too, lives...

All of it is done to satisfy her self-centered doubts, all of her efforts in vain.

Each word of comfort now falls on deaf ears, as she can only hear herself, that sad, piteous, spiteful character long deprived of what she desperately hoped she deserved. The little wailing Tomoyo in the dark irritatedly rakes her bony, childish fingers through her inky hair and painfully burrows her small, sharp nails into her scalp. Tears run down her white face as she tries to pull out a few strands, but the pain keeps her from doing so. The dark child opts to pick on her clothes, seeing them as the ugliest things next to herself. She tears the cloth as she hoped she could with her skin, picks on the thread as she would with her hair. Inside, in that dark corner of her mind, the child has already turned to throwing herself to the wall, hoping she would have a concussion and faint and the pain, the numbness and the cold would go away.

The small dark Tomoyo residing in her only manifested herself when she realized she was in love with Sakura, but knew all too well that she was forbidden to do so. The acts of violence grew worse with Syaoran, the wailing together with it. The raven-haired heiress turned to the only comfort she knew and grew more dependent with each night she dreamt of that small, pitch black corner and the little girl throwing herself at its walls.

But alcoholism was already taking its toll on her health and she, more than anybody, knew this.

Then again... she was only trying to drown herself, and that hateful child born from her failed pursuits.

No one- she felt so convicted about it now, so sure and yet, anxious about it- no one, would care to give a damn. No one would come.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo opened her eyes at the feel of something very, very damp on her forehead. The suddenness of the action, together with the strong pervasion of light made her dizzy, and she closed her eyes again, waiting for the spell of lightheadedness to pass. She felt with her senses, instead, and learned a small, cool, dripping towel was on her forehead, easing the searing heat she vaguely remembered to feel moments before. Around her were bunched up bedsheets and above was a pleasantly comfortable thick blanket smelling lightly of detergent and cool, summer breezes.

'I'm in bed...' she affirmed, feeling the cushion on her back and the pillow supporting her head. She did not recall going to bed, however, and was troubled enough that she opened her eyes yet again to look around.

The ceiling was a very faded, creamy yellow that looked white at first sight. She quietly allowed and accepted the fact that she had been sleeping in an unfamiliar room and instead looked on. The room exemplified a refined taste for things simple, chic and modern.

On the strikingly white wall immediately facing her and the bed she was lying on, there were a couple of small picture frames showing a deserted promenade during the winter season. Winter, she decided, because of the black, withered, wrangly branches shooting wide and high to the ominous gray patches of the white sky. There were a total of six of those small frames, and in between them was a larger frame, an abstract depiction of a magnolia blossom, more lively in color.

Her interest piqued, Tomoyo tried feeling on her arms and legs, rousing them into action as she tried to sit up and support herself. One hand shot up her forehead as a water droplet trickled down her nosebridge, reminding her of the towel's presence. She groaned, shifting her weight onto one arm when the other gave way.

"Tomoyo-chan? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I...-did my cleaning wake you?" a rather high-pitched voice from her right side said. The girl implored upon inclined her head to the right and was greeted with a taller, if not a more mature Akizuki Nakuru. She wore her long brown hair in a ponytail and was wearing her usual sunny smile. The guardian was brandishing a feather duster in one hand and a spritz bottle with the other. The overalls she was sporting made her somewhat more tomboy-ish, but Tomoyo recognized her immediately.

"Akizuki-san... it's been a while, ne?" she greeted, forgetting about the pictures for a while. Seeing the guardian made her remember where she was- in a guest room in Eriol Hiirigazawa's home in London, England, with the general objective of finding her previous grade-school teacher for him. "How have you been doing? You've been here all this while? You weren't with Hiirigazawa-san when he went to Tomoeda..."

Nakuru pouted, nodding her head in agreement before pulling a chair and sitting herself beside the bed where Tomoyo sat, waiting for her to expound.

"Hm... That's right...I still had the last few months of my studies to finish... but I did send Master Eriol and Suppi off in a good tone, asked them to greet Mr. and Mrs. Li Syaoran for me."

Nakuru went on, not noticing the quiver of Tomoyo's lip nor the clenching of her hand. The turmoil in her mind, at the mention of names she wished to forget, she barred from being voiced, but is quite evident in her eyes.

"...hm, I did ask him to bring back something, knowing that I do miss Tomoeda that much. How is it that you came here with Master Eriol, Tomoyo-chan?" finished Nakuru, her eyes lifted expectingly.

"Ah-Ha?" Tomoyo mouthed, caught in her unawares. Nakuru still didn't take notice and the raven-haired heiress was thankful for the guardian's innate naivete. "Hm...how should I put it? I'm here to help him find Mizuki-sensei, at the same time, enjoy myself in the distractions of London... There's not much to be done back in Tomoeda, anyways.

"As of now, the company doesn't need an endorser or spokesperson. I'd rather do something recreational than remain idle; don't you think it is the better choice, Akizuki-san?"

Nakuru nodded in understanding but pouted, noting the formalities exercised by the raven-haired girl. "You know, Tomoyo-chan, I'd much rather have you call me Nakuru. After all, I'm quite at liberty to call you by your given name."

The two laughed but the spell of lightheadedness was back, and so Tomoyo leaned back on the soft pillows while Nakuru helped in making her more comfortable, making small talk as the guardian arranged the sheets around the frail body and attempting to replace the already dripping towel with a more drenched one. Tomoyo politely declined.

"You had already contracted a fever when I checked on you this morning to call you down for breakfast. I didn't know what to do and Master Eriol was still down with jet lag." Nakuru explained, wrenching out the excess water as instructed by the half-conscious Tomoyo. "I had to ask Suppi-chan for help, and boy! was he angry to get a call when he was supposed to have his nap time! But then again, he couldn't really be angry..." They shared a laugh before Nakuru excused herself.

"I have to report on Master Eriol and, I guess you'd like to take your breakfast already?" Tomoyo nodded and Nakuru closed the door of the room behind her, leaving the room for the heiress to inspect. Tomoyo's eyes went back to the striking images on the whitewashed wall.

Directly beneath them was a gorgeous flower arrangement housed in a long stemmed egg-white vase on a similarly contemporary theme-inspired table. There was a small clock beside it and it read seven in the morning. The wristwatch she was wearing the night before was laid on the bedside table and read four in the afternoon- Tomoeda time, she decided, was early by nine hours.

Having been to London before, she knew that it had the standard Greenwich Mean Time, the same with Edinburgh, Lisbon and Dublin. Japan's time was set nine hours plus GMT, and Tomoyo, her body being more familiar with it, found it only natural for her body to have a more lingering jet lag than the usual ones her mother would have.

She reached towards the bedside table and set her watch in sync with the one beside the vase and reclasped it around her left wrist.

She had grown thinner, she noted, for the past months and the device slipped a little farther down than what she wanted, revealing white skin and a rather shocking thin red line centimeters away from her pulsepoint. Her eyes thinned in recognition, and she sighed with resignation.

At one point, she had wanted to kill herself, but in the end, was too afraid to truly cut herself at the wrists. Using the tip of the razor, she scratched the thin area of skin, making it burn an angry red but not to the point of breaking and bleeding. She felt herself in the same manner- almost to the point, but never truly falling into insanity. What people say, just on the verge of. Tomoyo wondered now why it had remained a scar, when all those that she had done when she was simply frustrated were vertically traceless.

Before she could truly gain an answer, Nakuru's voice and her gentle rapping at the door took away the girl's attention.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Tomoyo brought herself down despite Nakuru's insisting that she stay in bed and rest for the whole day. She claimed that by eating the guardian's runny soup (more like concoction, really), she felt better; enough to walk a little and look around the place she'd be staying in. She did have occasional pangs of lightheadedness, but worrying the already flustered Nakuru, Tomoyo decided, was out of the question. She'd only get a golden ticket back to the guestroom, left only to contemplate how the light falls on the seven pictures of that rather barren room.

She eased herself down the slightly spiraling white staircase, taking care to remain close to the railing lest she had any sudden spell of dizziness and lose footing. Nakuru was kind enough to provide her the warmer kind of slippers, all fluffy and soft at her feet, the one that didn't skid, too. Before truly reaching ground level, she tried to compose herself and act as though she didn't really had any troubles of going down before walking towards the general direction of the dining area. Nakuru was already there, a frying pan in her grasp.

"How do you like your eggs? Ah, but don't make it too hard for me okay? I can only do a limited variety- scrambled and sunny side-ups to be exact." Nakuru greeted, taking an egg from the refrigerator with her free hand as she gestured the Daidouji heiress to take a seat at the breakfast table.

Tomoyo chuckled a little. "Sunny side-up, but not the runny kind... Who taught you, Akizuki-san?"

Through the crackling sound of hot oil on an equally hot pan, Nakuru replied with enthusiasm, "Master Eriol, of course! Hm... But I did get some lessons from Mistress Kaho. It's just too unfortunate that I lack their wonder intuition in the kitchen area."

Tomoyo's interest perked up. "So Mizuki-sensei lived with the four of you? Here?"

"Uh-huh! Oh, but not 'here' of course. We lived in something quite similar to the one we used back in Tomoeda when we were helping Sakura-chan with the Clow Cards... Tomoyo-chan? Could you please bring that plate over?"

"Sure, here, Akizuki-san." The raven-haired girl took a plate and handed it over to Nakuru, watching in silence as she effortlessly slipped the egg into the ring of the plate. Nakuru brought it over to her and was about to cook another one for herself when Tomoyo asked, "So she... was already gone by the time you moved in here?"

Nakuru was silent for a while. She seemed to be thinking about her reply, even as she opened the refrigerator door once again to retrieve another egg. Finally, as she cracked it open at the side of the pan, Nakuru spoke up. "I guess, Tomoyo-chan could say that she is the reason why Master Eriol decided on getting this house in the first place."

The guardian went to frying and Tomoyo spoke up, but not in the regard of trying to keep the conversation. It was more to herself, than to the preoccupied, unusually disturbed brown-haired girl.

"At first I couldn't believe it. This house is... I would never have thought this is Hiirigazawa-kun's, to be honest. He seems to be more at home in a Victorian house than a modern flat. He's more like himself in the former, reduced to the image of swinging bachelor in the latter. Not that it really matters, with him, oh no... Oh, I don't know."

Nakuru smiled to herself in understanding. She wasn't one to completely understand how her Master Eriol's mind works, even with the fact that he had created her, but had always been in awe to all its unworldly capacity- then again, it must've been something he had taken off from the Great Clow Reed. She asked for another plate and slipped her own breakfast, asked for Tomoyo's preference, whether milk, tea, juice or coffee and went to prepare tea (for Tomoyo) and juice (for herself).

Sipping from the cup offered to her, and accepting a slice of bread to accompany with the egg, Tomoyo further continued thinking out loud.

"Mizuki-sensei must've really meant something big in his life... Perhaps, as big as Sakura was to me." Tomoyo paused, then corrected herself. "Rather, 'is' to me. Nobody could replace her. Who else could fit that Sakura-shaped hole but Sakura herself?"

An deafening quiet resided in the room quickly following Tomoyo's rather ill-timed comment. She went back to her eggs while a more disturbed Nakuru shifted in her seat across the dark-haired girl.

It was a silent agreement between the two of them that the conversation would no longer continue. Left as it was, abandoned. Nakuru was burning to ask her, but knew it was better to keep it, at least for now. She could always ask the heiress, later.

"Ne, Tomoyo-chan? I did tell you earlier that I'd prefer you to call me Nakuru. Akizuki's too formal and besides, here, it's almost always first-name basis. I've grown quite comfortable with that already. Oh but of course, Ruby Moon's not too common... then again, Ruby on its own..."

Tomoyo allowed the guardian to chatter on about how she would like to be called, seeing that the awkwardness of the moment has dispelled by her doing so. When it was rather out of line already, she decided to cut in.

"Hm... and I guess I'll have to speak in English now, huh, Nakuru-chan?"

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Near her appointed room were sliding doors leading to the open-air piazza directly facing the great length of the famed Thames. Tomoyo, during her first trip to England, never got to explore beyond the ever bustling Central London. To see the Thames to be so serene and wide and clear of large tourist cruisers was a refreshing sight, something she only saw with back-issues of the National Geographic stacked in one corner of the Daidouji referential archives. It reminded her of the Regency period, the time of Darcy and Elizabeth, of rural living in the outskirts of the central town in a large, privately managed estate.

Tomoyo tapped her fingers on the cool, steel surface of the railing of the balcony, enjoying the sight so generously spread around her. Nakuru had insisted on helping her change to something more comfortable and warm, then left her to her own devices as she prepared a quick lunch for the both of them. She originally planned to change, then explore the lower part of the house- including the immediately adjacent patio and the marina just a little steps from it. Nakuru suggested this place instead.

She was enjoying her stay, and found little regret of leaving Japan without really saying something about it to Sakura. Perhaps it was an unconscious, desperate gesture of hers to have the usually concerned cherry blossom to call and bug her with questions along the lines of Tomoyo's reason for leaving, of asking Tomoyo to come back and keep her company, give advice... the usual kind of talk they shared before the engagement and the wedding.

"But I guess she's too busy even for that, now. Li-kun must be keeping her preoccupied..." Tomoyo sighed, her head hanging low once again.

The clack of the sliding doors being opened caught the heiress' attention and she turned to see Nakuru, holding a tray, throwing her a questioning glance. "Who were you talking to, Tomoyo-chan? Oh, were you thinking out loud? Master Eriol did a lot of that, too." Nakuru said, placing the tray and its contents on the nearby table.

"Yes, I was thinking out loud, Nakuru-chan. About Tomoeda, Sakura-chan and Li-kun... Ne, Nakuru-chan? Do you think they're doing well?" she asked of the guardian, while helping out in preparing.

Nakuru looked dubious at first, sensing the other nature of the question. After a moment of silence, she gathered a smile, and answered in a cheery voice, "Of course! I'm sure Master Eriol'd be really disappointed to know his cute little descendant is letting him down on THAT department! That line isn't exactly in the center of the gene pool for nothing, Tomoyo-chan!" she laughed a little, after that, but it quickly died away. The Daidouji heiress looked more distressed than pleased.

Nakuru sighed in understanding. "It's not about how the brat's handling her on bed, is it?"

Tomoyo forced a smile. "How is it that Sakura is denser than you, Nakuru-chan?"

The guardian looked to the distance, not wanting to meet the confused eyes of the Daidouji heiress. Nakuru felt like calling for her Master Eriol because somehow, in one way or another, he would be able handle what she felt was a very sensitive situation. More than anything, she felt disturbed and guilty, because, though it truly wasn't connected to her, Nakuru was sure her reply would not be the first time it applied on her own situation.

"I don't know, Tomoyo-chan... I think it's because I'm not the one concerned."

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

How the two of them, Nakuru and Tomoyo, got over the awkward moment and continued to their agreed lunch at the terrace wasn't as important as how they had silently agreed to allow the other bring the subject up but only as a rhetorical question- no need for answers, no need for further explanations.

After the quick lunch, Tomoyo went back to her room to unpack. Nakuru said she would join her later, but after she had finished some business concerning her university studies.

"Tomoyo-chan! I won't be gone for long... If Master Eriol comes back earlier than I do, please tell him that! Well then, ittekimasu!"

The dark-haired heiress saw Nakuru to the door before going back up to her room and to the unfinished business she had with her clothes. The maids were very considerate to try to put almost one-third of her whole wardrobe as baggage but her reminders kept it at the minimum. After stashing away the articles of clothing and some more personal belongings, Tomoyo went back to exploring Eriol's home.

Along the hallway of the second floor there were six doors, and a narrow staircase leading upstairs. One door was to her room, another to the balcony, leaving her four other doors to peek through. Adjacent to her room was what seemed to be Nakuru's room- even without looking inside, the flowery signage said it all. The one across it was another empty guest room, bare and somewhat similar to hers. Towards the farther end was what Tomoyo concluded as Eriol's room- locked, but with the doorpost littered with small writings and, on one corner, a small, red butterfly sticker.

Tomoyo chuckled inwardly, imagining Nakuru trying to wake her master up by threatening to further brighten up his room. "It's amazing how the Nakuru I saw just now doesn't exactly exude the feeling of someone eager to decorate the whole house with Sanrio-style characters. University must've done some miracles..."

By the time Nakuru got back, it was already 3:00 and twenty failed attempts to open the door of the third floor had already been made. Nakuru kindly explained why. "It was supposed to be the attic but Suppi used that as a room- it has the kind of lock that wasn't too easy to pick whenever I felt like cuddling him... Ah, memories..."

Tomoyo chuckled along with Nakuru- enjoying her stay here would be the closest she could get to forgetting, and that was enough.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Eriol left the house as soon as he recovered from jet lag. He inquired after Tomoyo's condition, of course, and upon learning she contracted fever he arranged a stop to the pharmacist for some over-the-counter drug, besides his other agenda. When Eriol came back, it was already 5:30; the sky was quite red and the sun was already hanging low. He carried a large brown paperbag of grocery items with an arm, a smaller paperbag with the other. He placed the two bags on the kitchen counter then looked for Nakuru to inquire after Tomoyo's condition. He found her crouching at the storage room underneath the staircase where they kept the unpacked moving boxes.

"Tomoyo-chan was asking for a camera... I remembered we kept one in the house before... I wondered if we took it along with us." Nakuru explained, while straightening up, quite disappointed to find nothing after an hour of search.

"How is she?"

"Better than she was in the morning. She tried breaking in to Suppi's room!" Nakuru happily reported, a smile back on her features.

"Daidouji-san did? Where is she?" Eriol further inquired, quite amused.

"Oh, you didn't see her when you passed? She's outside on the patio, said she wanted to know how the night breeze felt especially with a river nearby."

"Thanks... and Nakuru? Do you mind placing the items I bought into the cupboards? They're in the kitchen."

The guardian nodded, hurrying to the kitchen as was instructed. Eriol took his top coat off and placed it lazily on one of the couches. Indeed, he was too tired to notice the solitary figure out on his patio, hugging her small frame as she leaned towards the railing. He walked towards the glass sliding doors and decided to join her.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

"So, how do you like your stay so far?" a familiar voice asked from behind her. It was accompanied by sharp, measured steps on the wooden paneling on the floor.

"Hiirigazawa-kun. Good evening." Tomoyo turned to greet him before looking back to the obsidian waters of the Thames. "Oh I very much like it here... just that, it never fails to haunt me... even at such peaceful times like this..."

"I'm sad to hear that. I assure you, Tomoeda almost serves the same for me." he replied nostalgically.

Tomoyo grinned a little, facing him once more. "Oh? And how are you now? Back to this place, where you lost your heart?"

"Lost?" Eriol asked playfully. Tomoyo nodded, trying to make him a little bit more serious about it like she was. "I'm afraid I have higher hopes of finding her and bringing her back into my life, Daidouji-san. I've been in touch with the local community and they haven't seen Kaho's face on any of the brides wed while I was gone."

Tomoyo quickly turned her head away, feeling a deep wound rip open once again. "You don't have to put it that way... that was quite harsh."

Eriol's eyes narrowed from guilt and frustration. "I'm sorry, that ended up on the wrong note..." Tomoyo cut in.

"It was from the very beginning. I like it here... but have I been too rash in accepting your invitation? I was thinking that as I unpacked... I felt quite angry for getting no phone calls from her. With Sakura, it needn't be a day and she would already call me with this worried tone and... and-"

She couldn't find the strength to finish her sentence, but Eriol understood. "I'm glad to know that though I might've offended you, it would not be the reason as to why you think going here was quite rash coming from you, Daidouji-san. But... I must say, the only thing I can guarantee you is that I have no choice but to grant my promise its fulfillment. The same with yours, only..." Eriol sat himself on one of the Windsor chairs and reclined.

Tomoyo understood what he meant. Hers was a situation completely different from his, definitely more complex and twisted than his. He just needed to find Mizuki-sensei; there were no other conditions like, she'd help getting them back together or something like that. Simply to find her, know what happened, what made her go away and leave him. That was nowhere near her asking him to find her happiness and peace of mind.

"...we're terribly complex people, Daidouji-san. I'm paying the price for knowledge going beyond lifetimes and you for your heartbreaking beauty... Anything we do would seem rash." Eriol said, his eyes towards the heavens. "And nothing in the heavens could clearly tell us how to achieve the lives we want to live."

Tomoyo continued to gaze at the glassy surface of the Thames. Her watch read six. It made sense; nights grow longer as winter approaches. "But... no matter how rash it would seem... I really am enjoying this kind of... almost-existence. I wouldn't mind going out tomorrow. I'm sure if I sleep earlier, my body would fully recover." She faced him, eagerness reflecting in her amethyst pools. "I wouldn't mind starting tomorrow. Do you mind?"

Eriol smiled, glad she had not changed her mind about helping him, and because there would be no need for him to remind her of her side of the deal.

"Actually I do. I've made plans of introducing you to a dear friend of mine, as well as of Kaho's. Eva was the last person with her... and I believe that would be a good starting point." Eriol stood up from his seat and proceeded in going inside.

"Sleep well, tonight, Daidouji-san. Eva's quite a personality. Very tiring, especially with the first encounter."

"A-ano... Hiirigazawa-kun?" Tomoyo began.

"Don't worry, it won't take long. You'll like Eva." and with that, Eriol had gone into the house.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

* * *

Author's Notes: This installment is leaning to Tomoyo-centric; I hope that didn't lower your expectations. I know the timing sucks- the progress is sooooo slow, but this is another episode of foreshadowing plus a check on Tomoyo's condition. I'll try and speed it up to the action! Till then!

Modoki Mokona: Well actually, every pairing could have a go at a very complex situation. It just so happens that Eriol and Tomoyo already have the basics of a very twisted relationship. Thanks a lot for reviewing!

Sadame no Kageboushi: I just made Tomoyo's life more miserable! Hope you're still in for something like this! Though it would seem as though it will end up with Eriol saving Tomoyo, I wanted to go for the not so stereotyped story where in it's the 'princess' in distress who eventually patches things up for the 'prince' with a messed up life. Sorry for the long wait!

tai yang airen: I don't find it selfish of you to ask more chapters... I'll just have to be more diligent, then. Being a drunk isn't too harsh, either. It's the side effects of being an alcoholic that makes it harsh for Tomoyo, I guess. Hmm... Eriol to the rescue? I'll have him watch over, but Kaho still preoccupies his mind --; ehe...

kiuna'yukina: Not so much ExT moments here, but I hope you liked it anyways! I was thinking of something else, really, but in the end, I stuck with the 'sun'. Maybe because I still wanted Eriol to embody Clow? Not so sure, now... Thanks for reviewing!

boredjl: Hmm... classy drunk? Only Tomoyo could throw that without totally ruining her image. I guess, when writing a dark (if it does seem that way) fic, it can't be helped since Sonomi is, or rather, would be really similar to her daughter in the sense that she doesn't want the whole world to know of her sorrows. Oh, and something important IS going to happen but I saved it for the next chapter to see if I could kill you with some suspense. I hope you like this one, too!

Final Author's Notes: Okay so uhmm... I'm not going to ask for anything. Just that you read through the story and give some input on how it's doing. Eva's mine, Grays exists and there is at least one back issue of NatGeo that features the rural side Thames. Sanrio isn't mine, the Heathrow Airport is in London and does accept international flights, and all the other names and organizations that I have included but I forgot to mention are under some kind of governing rule that may sue me if I do forget to mention about them right now.


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The fault is mine alone- if anything happens to these guys...may it be a sort of death or a trial marinade in lime, as long as it concerns INO, you know who to detain alongside a very desperate, very innocent (cause he forgot everything) Raito-sama. dies in his arms, doesn't take the feeling of doing so, wakes a little, fangirls one last time then dies again If only, if only...

Summary: Before they left Japan for London, Eriol and Tomoyo made a deal. She was to help him look for Kaho while he would help her with coping up from her unrequited love. But if something goes terribly wrong, who would pay the price?

Author's Notes: Eriol's surname has been bugging me. I don't know if it was the length or how unnatural it sounds when spoken but, there's no wonder some people prefer their characters to call him Hi-kun. Just that, or fast forward to first name-basis, Eriol. Saves them a lot of trouble and embarrassment.

So, yeah. While writing this, I also went through some of the ExT fics I have in my computer (you know, a notorious method for getting out of warped, black holes and getting inspirations! wink, wink) and was trying to look for the correct spelling as it would put my troubles to rest. One, two, already three fics through and 'Hiiragizawa' rather than 'Hiirigazawa' was turning up more often. Rather, always. Remembering I had a research article of CCS (it's all thanks to wiki, really) my worst fears have been confirmed.

As of this installment, I'll be using the correct spelling of Eriol's surname- Hiiragizawa. Perhaps when I'm halfway through INO that I'll work out and correct the previous chapters. Did anybody see it? Ahh... you didn't have to be so merciful... just slash away. I'm working without beta so, it would be helpful if you could point out typos, points needing to be filled in... and probably fix it into a very presentable page for you readers.

* * *

Chapter 9

_A darkness more consuming than black._

Black.

Gray, and nothing lighter beyond that. The room where she is staying, in the wee hours of the morning, is colored in that palette.

Tomoyo woke up to the darkness of her room and decided to remain idle until the wall in front of her caught the morning light. She wasn't as tired as she was yesterday, but she didn't feel like moving around the complex either. Around her were bunched up sheets and to the left, lying on the bedside table facing her, was her wristwatch.

She couldn't read as her eyes haven't gotten used to the dark yet but she guessed it to be 3:58 in the morning. Tomoyo knew that if she were to wait, she had a lot of time to kill.And watching the early morning darkness drag into the morning light wasn't exactly a good strategy to do just that.

'It would be useless to try and go back to sleep- I had trouble getting it, even.' she thought, remembering how, until late into the night, she was still pretty much awake. She kept her eyes closed, her movements very little and yet, it simply would not come.

She heard Nakuru check on her for three times before the brown-haired girl truly retired for the night. Tomoyo was touched by her concern, but something bothered her and it wouldn't let her sleep.

The heiress would close her eyes and, together with the voice of her restless mind was a replay of her conversation earlier that evening with the enigmatic Eriol Hiiragizawa.

Besides the thing about 'brides' being wed off...

'The prospect of meeting someone new is remarkably unsettling, it's not like I haven't done this before...' The heiress closed her eyes for a while, hearing herself sound excited at the same time surprised and even more, anxious, '...my nerves must still be shot from jet lag.'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

'Eva, ga?' A pervading question.

She tried conjuring a picture in her mind but Tomoyo always ended up with a mature body crowned with gloriously long, windswept red hair. It wasn't that she lacked the inspiration or the creativity to visualize this 'Eva'; only that her knowledge about the magician reincarnate's preferences with people he relate with is very much limited to previous classmates back in Tomoeda. Staying on this line of thought, Tomoyo realized, or rather, had concluded long before, that she didn't really know anything about him.

'Hiiragizawa-kun had always been close to that type of lady, Eva must be someone similar, too. Conversationalist, open-minded... oh wait. Right.' Anybody opened up whenever it was the magician reincarnate involved. Everybody did have varying responses but, nevertheless, they were all like open books when it came to that person. She could never be too sure. Nonetheless, she had nothing else to do and, what was wrong with trying to anticipate a new acquaintance?

'Since anything goes with the personality, physical traits could do for now. Eva... She might be in her forties, late thirties, somewhere along Ms. Mizuki's age. He does seem to like that kind- maybe it goes for acquaintances as well?' she thought some more, 'And perhaps, she's tall, taller than me, taller than the average Japanese man, even- as Europeans usually are. I wonder if she's a slender build?

'And what could be her profession? Office lady? Librarian? Teacher- maybe that's how they met, with Ms. Mizuki trying for a teaching job here as well?'

Tomoyo reached a pause. Why was she getting so hyped? What was she getting herself into, anyways? Getting to know other people, having to put up with an old schoolmate's ill sense of humor- all this...

'How is this going to help? Mizuki-sensei's 'vanished into thin air' didn't she? Well, of course not literally, but... with Hiirigazawa not knowing what happened to her...'

"Wouldn't it be the same as that?"

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Only when Tomoyo opened her eyes to the pervading light did she realize that she had, indeed, fallen asleep. When before, she wasn't even able to make out the position of the pictures, the flower arrangement that she knew was there...

'What was I- oh. Eva.'

Her realization came quick, and her grasp of it, natural. Like waking from a dream, and one would try to recollect the happenings in that dream and it would dawn in one's mind so quickly yet, it would seem to be the most sensible thing to occur.

Tomoyo shook her head a little- apparently, the last thought she had before her consciousness slipped was the hardest to recall. Nakuru's call from outside her room, asking her whether she was already awake, feeling fine and what her preference was (if she would take her breakfast in her room or in the breakfast table) saved her from even trying to do so.

She straightened herself, clasped her wristwatch and allowed a free hand to go through her hair quickly in a pass to at least free some morning knots. Going across a particularly hardy one, her focus on Eva was inevitably lost to how she should go about her morning rituals.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

She went down moments later and was greeted by a cheeky Nakuru, cradling a cordless phone while flipping some pancakes for three.

"Oh, oh and she's awake now! Do you want to speak to Tomoyo-chan, Suppi-chan? No? It's your loss, then."

Tomoyo sat herself on one of the chairs, listening at the candid dialogue being played through international phone lines. 'Spinel's part could easily be imagined', she thought, 'what with Nakuru-chan being so animated and all.'

"Well? I thought your flight was yesterday? Hm? Sakura-chan? She-" Tomoyo listened in to the conversation a little more seriously, as it was leaning towards her... iie, Syaoran-kun's cherry blossom.

A very loud and uncalled for "HEHH?!" rang through the house and the very phone shrunk to a shivering heap after Nakuru shouted at the receiver. Apparently, what was relayed was that much surprising to the guardian.

"Suppi-chan?" Nakuru called some minutes later. Nothing. She tested the line again, hearing static right after she yelled. "Suppi? Anyone?" Nakuru turned to Tomoyo whose inquiring face mirrored her own confusion. Then it dawned on the guardian. Her dearest Suppi-chan had once again, escaped- this time by hanging up on the phone. "Dang it. He has that much liberty when alone." Tomoyo giggled as Nakuru sulked, now giving her full attention to cooking the pancakes.

"What was the call about, Nakuru-chan?" Tomoyo asked as she helped the guardian in preparing the table. She transferred two pancakes per plate while Nakuru took out butter, sugar and maple syrup from the cupboards.

"Suppi-chan wouldn't be able to leave Japan as early as he planned. Master Eriol asked Sakura-chan to look after him since he was left to do the clean-ups and the like, alone. I didn't really get it since he always added some really snide remarks to the story but he did mention it to be because of Kero-chan's bidding." Nakuru replied, seating herself. "Sakura-chan would help him get a flight, though. But he would probably stay in Japan until the end of October."

"Hm... if it was just about that, Nakuru, I believe you could've left the 'heh?!' part out, ne?" a familiar voice from behind the two interceded.

"Master Eriol! Ah, ohayo!" Nakuru greeted, a bright smile on her face, quickly replacing the (humorous) sulking expression she was wearing- then, after some thought, added, "We're having pancakes for this morning."

Eriol chuckled lightly, greeting Nakuru back. "Ah, yes. I see that. Well done, Nakuru."

Tomoyo watched this with great interest. It was another side of the magician reincarnate- one that she didn't tire in seeing. It was refreshing from his intimidating, scheming aspect and also from his detached, all-knowing Clow Reed's incarnation-aspect. It was very much like how he looked back then, in Tomoeda, when he called them over - Sakura, Syaoran and her - to tell them everything was finally alright, the plan complete and in all aspects, successful and that he was indeed leaving Japan. He was very gentle then, and more so when he introduced them to his companion. Looking back, she realized she knew very little about this side of Hiiragizawa-kun; knowing only that he was very content with the company of his beloved creations and most happy, most alive when with the beautiful, captivating Kaho Mizuki-sensei.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Hiiragizawa-kun." she greeted, her voice gentle and light, and holding no bitterness from last night's awkward conversation.

There was a small smile, a bright gleam in his eyes that wasn't shielded by his glasses and a very eye-catching, disobedient cowlick near where he usually parts his hair. For that singular moment the fact that he knew everything in the world and beyond, the fact that he was way older than she would and could ever be and the fact that he belonged to someone else was forgotten. If only for the sake of relishing in that moment.

Tomoyo's face reddened only a little but she was taken aback, nonetheless. And she couldn't frown upon her feelings, not when she hadn't seen such a happy Eriol.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Daidouji-san."

She smiled back to him, feeling that, even in such a quick moment, in the dark existence she lived in, a little light had broken through. A realization, with that quick moment. Tomoyo decided she liked this Eriol. She couldn't say much for the other sides, and also, how much she liked him, though. They were certain matters she couldn't place her finger on and would only bring her much confusion, and possibly, with them, she would grow to hate him for stirring about such feelings. That was, of course, only a possibility. However, such feelings aren't to be taken lightly. She knew how things in love are, and as Sakura put it, she simply knew it all.

Sometimes, she prayed dearly to be naive. But relief does not always come so quickly, so conveniently. Sometimes, they don't seem to be answered at all.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

A cheerful ringing cut the somewhat comfortable silence hanging among the company and Eriol, listening in more closely, affirmed that it was coming from his mobile phone. He excused himself for a moment, leaving for the more spacious great room before joining Nakuru and Tomoyo shortly, apologizing for not being able to help much with the preparation, and now, delaying the enjoyment of breakfast.

"Daidouji-san, first of all, I would like to apologize for last night." he began, midway through finishing his own share of breakfast. The addressed heiress made a gesture to reply but he cut her off, somehow knowing from their exchange earlier that the matter was already forgotten. "Also, apparently, we would be able to look for Kaho until late afternoon. I personally suggest we begin at the West End."

In her head, the purple-haired heiress made ends meet. 'So that was what the call was about...'

"Uhm... what about Eva-san?" Tomoyo inquired, curiosity heightening. Just last night, it almost seemed as though he was very anxious to introduce her to his and Mizuki-sensei's friend.

To this, Nakuru answered in place of Eriol. "It must be because of the job. Eva teaches in the University of London and schedules are usually hectic. I mean, I would know."

"Oh," said Tomoyo, "...that's right. Nakuru-chan is a college student. You were under Eva-san?"

Nakuru chuckled. "Somehow, somehow. Ah, but I'm in graduate school already... You're the one who's supposed to be in college, ne, Tomoyo-chan?"

The girl looked sober, but wasn't as depressed unlike when the subject was the ever genki card mistress. "As to that, well, I'm already working, Nakuru-chan."

"Part-time?" Eriol offered, who was too busy finding himself during his brief stay in Tomoeda to be able to truly check up on how his previous classmates were doing.

She shook her head in reply. "I'm taking online courses, so it's quite similar to earning a degree, but my highest priority is to help my mother especially now that she is planning on tying-up with European-based companies." Tomoyo offered a smile, implying to the two listeners that she wasn't to be pitied on, and that she was proud of what she had managed to do so far. "It's doing quite well, really. Besides endorsing, I get to travel and attend all-important, social gatherings to help close deals."

The magician-reincarnate understood and pushed the conversation to better ground. "Is that the reason for your first trip here in London?"

Nakuru's face brightened a notch, supplementing the question with one that had a light reprimanding tone. "You were in London, Tomoyo-chan? Why weren't you able to visit us? You couldn't possibly have been THAT busy."

The uneasy atmosphere, as easily as it had arisen that morning, was as quick to go as well and all was better later on. Tomoyo laughingly explained that she had no idea where they lived as the letters sent by Eriol during their correspondence were left back at Tomoeda. She had to stay in a hotel in Central London for the relatively short length of her trip and was unable to explore the city to her heart's desire. The heiress affirmed Eriol that, indeed, it was for one of the business deals she had handled for her mother.

"That is why," Tomoyo continued, addressing nobody in particular, "I would do my best in looking for Mizuki-sensei. That way, I would be able to experience the London I have been deprived of last time."

At that time, as Tomoyo and Eriol engaged themselves in more animated conversation about London, their would-be itinerary for the excursion later into the day and the heiress' disappointment about only being able to stay in the city for three nights and two days, nobody noticed the distant look given off by the brown-haired guardian who uncharacteristically gave more thought to what Tomoyo had said earlier.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

London suddenly seemed the ultimate distraction not only to Tomoyo, who was thoroughly enjoying their little 'searching' spree in the West End of Central, but also to Eriol, who eagerly played tourist guide and 'search team' leader at the same time.

Earlier, while both of them were getting ready to leave the house, Eriol explained that it was one of his and Kaho's greatest pleasures to watch musicals, theatrical presentations and concerts at London's famed West End. It was home to some of the city's oldest theaters and was truly a colorful, exciting district to visit whatever time of the day, given that it was also the shopping center of the large city.

"It's quite the lucrative joint. But I guess that can also be said about the dockland markets." and, considering for some time, added, "I do not remember too many people flocking to that district before, most especially when Clow Reed was still alive. It was only recently that it gained this much popularity."

The Daidouji heiress maintained her silence, waiting for him to add to his narration. Eriol had to grin a little, London had truly captured the interest of the girl.

"At that time, it was a residential area, a most notorious one, in fact. But that's besides the point. The people then had a grander idea for recreation; rather than clothes shopping, most people - and from almost all brackets of society then - enjoyed watching plays."

Tomoyo's face lightened up; the idea of costumes, performances and theater not lost on her, who had an innate love for the performing arts, not only for her most treasured performing actress and best friend. "Is it possible for them to have a show today?" she had muttered, quite by accident, out of interest.

"This isn't exactly their best season, or so I've heard. Besides, I was talking about the Southern district-" Eriol supplied, surprised to be cut by the girl who offered a smile.

"Where the Globe Theatre is? I've always hoped to visit that, and possibly watch a Shakespearean play, too..." Tomoyo looked far away, eyes dreamy.

Eriol, who had been keeping his eye on his unusually excited companion, noticed the same dreamy look and decided he had to make some sort of small interference or else the main aim of the day's excursion would be lost.

"Are you tired, Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo seemed startled, stuttering as she replied to his question. "Oh-ah, no. That is, I couldn't possibly tired. We haven't even searched through this part thoroughly, like you said. I'm sorry for spacing out."

Eriol smiled. "There is no need to apologize, Daidouji-san. We're just beginning, after all. Besides, after that conversation during breakfast, I've quite understood the passion you have to comprehend the cultural 'hodgepodge' that is London. As a proper Englishman, I shouldn't reserve you of that. I should be happy, even."

Tomoyo regained some confidence after being apprehended and offered him a small grin.

"Daidouji-san," he asked testily, a teasing tone evident in his voice, "am I that good a tour guide?"

That did it. The heiress chuckled, and he coupled her with his own laugh. It wouldn't be so bad, Eriol thought, if all their excursions would be as enjoyable as this. For now, no matter how his inner person pressed that finding Kaho was all-important and should be pursued with much seriousness and very little merrymaking such as this, it was quite impossible, Eriol realized, especially when having Tomoyo Daidouji as a search companion. She was a fair player in this game of wits and always had something to throw at him as exchange.

"Oh, yes. Truly, the best tour guide I've had the honor to have. Not to mention a very generous provider of board and lodging."

They had a light snack a little after that, feeling more comfortable with the other's company by the minute. And, as Eriol had pointed out that they wouldn't be able to find Kaho if they kept at it without any concrete aim, they discussed about going through the different residential areas of the West End.

The topic was too good to pass up as a tie-up with her previous remark and so, Tomoyo quickly grasped the chance and spoke, taking Eriol's attention off of the London brochure she had conveniently taken along with her.

"And since I do know how generous you are, Hiiragizawa-kun, I suppose you are to also provide for our transport fees?"

He raised an eyebrow, sensing another challenge in her words.

"You, madam, are a lavish boarder..." Eriol said, pouting playfully. "But I guess, the entertaining company you provide whenever we are together is enough payment."

Tomoyo smiled. "My landlord! Why, you are most kind!" And, winking at him teasingly, "And such a flatterer, too."

Eriol had to give the round to her. He couldn't say anything more as he was already starting to laugh again. He raised his hands, telling her plainly she had won, and they soon resumed serious business once again, light chuckles being exchanges as they did so.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

The transition from commercial to residential at the West End was so gradual, it took some moments for Tomoyo to realize there weren't that much shops and people any longer. There were some coffee shops and small restaurants, but it was quite a remarkably different picture from where they were previously. There was a different kind of bustle, and the people weren't too hurried. Sounds were few, limited to the tapping of laptop keys on cafИ tables, the barking of a dog somewhere in the distance and some music being played on one of the floors of some nearby apartment. For a highly-developed area, it was quite passive, tranquil even.

"It's more lively in the morning..." Eriol said, sensing the puzzlement with her. "Almost like West Central, just with fewer cars."

Tomoyo nodded in understanding. "It reminds me of Tomoeda... only, rather than private homes, apartments are more common here."

The Daidouji heiress looked around her once more. In such a large city, larger than Tokyo, where the different districts are like different worlds, only with notable similarities, how were they supposed to see a single person?

The two of them walked further, both in silence. For Tomoyo, it was because she couldn't gather the courage to ask, and for her companion, well, she didn't know. They reached, after some time, what Eriol called a residential square.

"They imitated European precedents as a design for small suburbs like these. Like with how the apartments are built with stores beneath, and also, with this." Eriol had explained to her earlier, as they walked into one quite by accident, "Residential squares are quite practical- almost everything you need could be found at the stores bordering them, and they're popular meeting places."

Tomoyo gave him an anxious side glance, burning to ask but unsure as to how she would put it in such a way that it wouldn't turn unnecessarily grave or awkward for the both of them.

"This, Hiiragizawa-kun, I-" she mumbled, stopping from walking any further.

"Hm?" Eriol asked, leaning his head to the side inquisitively as he looked back. "Ah, shall we sip some coffee first?"

Tomoyo nodded, suddenly thankful for being able to sit on a chair- the only support she could probably get as she asked him about that which bothered her most.

Eriol leaned back on his seat after taking a short sip from his cup. "You have a question, don't you, Daidouji-san?"

"Yes..." She fiddled a little with the handle of the porcelain vessel before speaking up again. "How can you afford to be so... so headlong about this?"

The magician-reincarnate's face tilted in confusion. "Hm?"

"Mizuki-sensei isn't the only long, red-haired person in London. She could have as many people with almost the same height... And, and how are you sure she is still in London? She could've left the country if she wanted to disappear from your life, right?" At that point, Tomoyo had to stop. From her insecurities at being more of a burden than a help, arose certain matters she did not have a say at. For one, she didn't know the reason of the woman's leave and yet, she immediately concluded that it was enough to make her leave England and keep distance.

Eriol was silent, weighing the question in his mind. How many times have he asked himself the very same thing? It was only rational to give up, wasn't it? But, and to this he gave a small smile, he knew why he couldn't bring himself to stop. Kaho might've not been the only woman in his life, or the other lives he's lived, but she had been most loyal, and definitely most unforgettable. She had been with him for God-knows-how-long, an irreplaceable companion who shared sentiments with him.

"I have certain reasons, Daidouji-san... Perhaps, in time, I shall share them with you. As to how 'headlong' I am - is it not that you can recognize Sakura-chan even from afar, and in a crowd?"

Eriol folded his hands and looked out to the open space beside him, distant.

"With or without my powers, I can tell- how she's doing, how she must be feeling... although, of course, as I have nothing else to rely on but these, it is not as accurate as I would want." He closed his eyes, looking away from the Square. He opened them, only to look thoughtfully at the blackness of his drink. "But that wanting - to know if she's happy, and most of all, why she left me - for me, that is enough force."

She quickly finished her own coffee, remaining silent after his reply. She comprehends, not because it was very similar to how far she would go for Sakura, but simply because she, as a person who has loved and continues to love, knows.

Tomoyo wanted to know, more than ever, if what she held for the cherry blossom was this kind of deep, almost selfless love and not some obsession for a particular object that she believed once to belong to hers. In comparison to him, Tomoyo realized she was a selfish child.

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

They had combed the streets, asking around and making queries for two hours almost. It wasn't really physically strenuous, having no clue as to where Kaho Mizuki could probably be was a big factor for both their exhaustion. Tomoyo leaned on the grill of one of the smaller community parks while Eriol asked a resident of the last apartment complex in that neighborhood. She had tried to wear something comfortable, as Hiiragizawa-kun suggested, and for the early leg of their search, she had nothing to complain about them.

'Ah,' she groaned inwardly, patting on her knees, "I'm going to be sore tomorrow... I can hardly walk now."

Eriol, who finished up quite quickly walked towards her and leaned on the grills too. "More than enough exercise I would need in a day, I should say." he agreed, wiping a bead of sweat on his forehead. He took out the brochure and checked their location for the nearest means of transportation back to Grays. "There's a nearby terminal station- we could catch a train to Grays there. It shouldn't take us long. Just a kilometer and a half..."

His companion nodded eagerly. "Let's call it a day for now. I mean, we still have to meet with Eva-san, right?"

Eriol nodded. "A day it is. Swanley's a little closer than Grays. Do you want to go there directly?"

Tomoyo's eyes widened, quite against the idea of showing her exhausted face to anybody, most especially to someone new. "That is- I think that- wouldn't Eva-san mind?"

The magician-reincarnate doubled-up. "I'm sure ol' Shepherd wouldn't mind. Besides, that's where we're going to have dinner."

Eriol straightened himself out and began to walk in the direction of the station, a hesitant Tomoyo on toll.

'Eva Shepherd... the last person to be with Mizuki-sensei... I wonder what kind of person she is?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

They reached their destination much faster than Tomoyo expected. 'Well, I have been listening intently to Hiiragizawa-kun's plans for the next excursion...'

"Does that suit you well, Daidouji-san?" he asked her as they got off.

"Huh? The weekends-only? Other than helping you look for Mizuki-sensei, there's nothing else that could preoccupy me, Hiiragizawa-kun. If you're okay with a usually bored companion-"

He shook his head, cutting off what she was supposed to say. "This way, wouldn't you be able to finish gaining that degree of yours online? Besides, I should keep the job that allows us to comb through London, shouldn't I?"

The girl nodded. Walking didn't cost them anything except energy, but the small breaks and the transportation back to Grays did.

Exiting the station, Tomoyo saw a sprawling neighborhood quite similar to Grays- with private homes outnumbering the usual fashion of three to four-floored apartments.

Eriol motioned for her to hurry up, leading the way to a nearby grocery. "Since we're visiting, it's only polite we bring something with us." he explained, pushing the glass door open.

She looked around the small complex- there were only a few shoppers around. A brown-haired woman had a child in tow and was checking out the eggs being displayed in one corner. An elderly man was crouching over some packets of dog food. It was a different crowd- a sharp contrast from the vibrant, hurried individuals she had seen back at West End.

"Since it's sparsely populated, Swanley is really attractive to those who want to avoid the noise and stress of Central London." commented the magician-reincarnate, perusing some apples on the fruit stand. "We used to live here- the four of us."

Tomoyo's expression turned sober, somehow anxious to know of the past. "You sold it, didn't you?"

He nodded slightly before moving to another aisle. "What would be a nice visiting present, Daidouji-san?"

'It's that deep a cut, huh? Immediately changing topics and forcing a smile...' She kept silent, only tailing him and looking diffidently through the options he set in front of her. 'I could see through you... and you know it, Hiiragizawa-kun.' She felt pity but knew enough that she would be a hypocrite to point that out. Wasn't she the one who's more pitiful- escaping reality, disregarding what has happened already and trying to move on, using him, London and the excuse of helping him out to look for Mizuki-sensei for her gain?

'I'm truly selfish. I see that now...'

She impulsively caught a metal canister thrown at her direction and turned it, unimpressed, and learned it contained tea leaves. She looked up, and noticed her companion, who was absorbedly looking through canned goods, was gone. Tomoyo tensed in worry. She had yet to acclimate to London, and wasn't yet sure as to how to go back to Eriol's home in Grays. A voice seemingly coming from the next aisle called for her and she hurried, quite afraid.

"Hiiragizawa-kun!" she cried, surprised. The metal canister was still at her hand, gripped tightly.

The dark-haired man turned to her direction, smiling gently. Another man, some inches taller than he was and chestnut-haired, also looked at her and gave her a comforting smile. Eriol walked towards her and, reaching a reasonable distance, introduced her to the person he was talking to just now.

"Daidouji-san, this is Vhandel 'Eva' Shepherd. He is a friend of mine and Kaho's." then, turning to Eva, Eriol introduced Tomoyo to him.

Eva spoke warmly in broken, though understandable Japanese, "Hajimemashite, Daidouji-san. It is as Eriol says it is." He presented her a pale hand, offering a friendly hand shake.

Tomoyo, bemused and quite bewildered, took it automatically and greeted back in her fluent, practiced English. "It's nice meeting you, Eva-san."

The magician-reincarnate noticed rather detached attitude and posed a question after they broke off from the polite gesture. "Is something the matter, Daidouji-san?"

The girl colored face and looked down on her feet. Apparently, Eva was not a 'she' but a 'he' and she had miscalculated and now, was quite embarrassed to tell about it in detail, especially with the person in question right in front of her and very much concerned about her as well. "That is... forgive me, Eva-san! I had the mistake of thinking you are a woman. My apologies..."

The older man only laughed heartily, quite abusing the already embarrassed girl. "No, no... That's quite alright, Ms. Daidouji- a number of people have thought so, too. I'm quite used to it by now." His playful eyes saw the metal canister and directed the conversation to it for a change. "Now what do you have there?"

Eriol grinned sheepishly. "That's supposed to be our visiting present, but I guess we'd have to get another-"

"No need for that! Oh!" he exclaimed, taking the metal canister from the surprised heiress. "Tea leaves! Lately, I've been longing for those that you've introduced to me when we first met. This is great!! Why don't we hurry up, get out of here and go to my house and enjoy tea like we did when-"

"That's enough talk, it's almost closing time, Eva." Eriol was already gesturing for the two them to get moving, standing at the counter as if nothing else was to be said and the older man, nodded, already quiet and the previous statement forgotten.

Eva picked up some frozen goods, his countenance undisturbed as though it was quite normal for the younger man to cut his sentence, then made for the counter at the other corner of the building. A small, determined hand made him look back. "Yes, Daidouji-san? May I help you?"

"Why do the both of you run away? Isn't it better to face the facts and acknowledge what has happened?"

The accommodating smile being offered thinned to a serious line. "In contrary, he is actually punishing himself. Eriol is most happy when with Kaho... I, as a good friend, would not deny him that."

A chill run down Tomoyo's back. 'Good friend, he says... good friend to who?' There was something disturbingly different about this man and, no matter how warm and cheerful he was, a kind of fearful anticipation seated itself deep within her.

As quickly as the ominous tone in his voice appeared, it was gone and was replaced with the bright countenance he had showed earlier, when they were being acquainted. "Oh! I almost forgot, here you go, Ms. Daidouji- the tea...", he said, chucking the metal canister in the nook of her arms.

_'...?!'_

She watched Eva's figure join Eriol's at the counter with raised apprehension. Tomoyo wasn't sure at what she felt but- '...It couldn't be.' - it was real. The point of contact was still tingling, even when she had somewhat calmed her rapidly beating heart. The touch, the feel was familiar and it washed over her, filling her with fear.

'Just who are you really, Eva-san? And why... why did I feel that again?'

o0o...o0o...i'm not okay...o0o...o0o

Author's Notes: Hm... the longest one I've done so far, and a really late installment (so sorry!!)... It's also the most fast-paced if you ask me. A mix of Eriol's and Tomoyo's perspectives, I don't know if you got confused since there are bits set in an earlier time, for example, Eriol describing West End. I hope the disappointment from last chapter would be eased by the subtle enough(?...I think) Eriol x Tomoyo moments. I didn't want them to get it off so quickly and easily, as that would lessen the impact I would like to be created by my OCs, and of course, Kaho.

Okay, unto reviews!!

Shui-Mui: Ah, domo arigatou gozaimasu for the comment on my writing style- it's ever changing and is really quite dependent on what I'm feeling at the time really. In contrary, I think that it's very much verbal- the feelings of the characters, besides being given a graphic description with the words preceeding or proceeding it, is more conveyed in their dialogue. So, if you remove that, well, I'm in big trouble (hehe sweatdrops). You have a point on the possible complexity of Eriol and Tomoyo's relationship even without characters like Kaho and Sakura- but I guess it's more exciting (and somehow, also more confusing) when they get into the mix. Thanks for the review and please, write if I have improved with this new installation.

boredjl: More suspense. I guess I'll have to apologize for leaving the last chapter...uhm...hanging. As to Tomoyo's obsession, I'll have to agree but, though I would usually say it's too late to modify that one, Nakuru here is revealed to know about something and therefore, the awkwardness could be explained by Nakuru having faced a similar situation wherein she could say "I don't know, Tomoyo-chan... I think it's because I'm not the one concerned." And sorry for not updating too soon. I hope the content of this chapter was worth the wait.

Convoy Butterfly: Ah, I wasn't able to address all of your concerns in the PM but I hope some sort of improvement is evident with this one. Thanks for pointing out those... lapses, should I say? You are most welcome to give your opinions with my story and writing style. I'm not sure if I had cut down on the unnecessary flowery words like you suggested, but as for how I write Tomoyo in the different paragraphs... I would greatly appreciate if you could suggest some others than those you have noted (and will note... sweatdrops). Hm... what else? If I wasn't able to address all of the points in your review last time, I would be more than happy to hear from you again.

Final Author's Notes: So our main characters encounter Vhandel 'Eva' Shepherd, West End and Swanley. Only Eva exists in the plane of my imagination and, I've tried my best to describe but not go overboard on West End. I've tried getting some references on Swanley, but other than knowing that most of the people residing here are senior citizens, I know very little. That's all for now, and I would try to write faster.


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